Gary's Playhouse/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Gary's Playhouse" from season 13, which aired on August 7, 2023.

[The episode opens with Gary, holding a pillow, getting onto SpongeBob's sofa and grabs a blanket with his mouth. He circles around and begins to sleep under the fort.]
SpongeBob: [off-screen] Oh, Gary!
[Gary wakes up and meows.]
SpongeBob: [off-screen] Come outside. I've got a surprise for you.
Gary: [grumbles, opens SpongeBob's front door and slithers to see a giant gift box that SpongeBob is leaning against] Meow?
SpongeBob: You're gonna love this, Gary, [spins around and makes a heart with his hands] really love it. You ready? [kicks the gift box away to reveal a playhouse] Ta-da! It's a playhouse just for you. Now you're a homeowner just like me, minus the mortgage payments.
Gary: [sniffing playhouse] Blah!
SpongeBob: [coaxing] Go on. Go right in.
Gary: [enters playhouse] Meow. [SpongeBob comes in, startling him] Meow!
SpongeBob: Don't you love it? [singing] ♪ Who lives in a playhouse under the sea? ♪
Gary: [rolls eyes] Meow.
SpongeBob: That's right. [points to Gary] You! Well, I'm gonna leave you alone to play. [winks] Have fun! [kisses Gary, leaves]
[Bubble transition to an open shot of Conch Street at dusk, where the playhouse lights are on.]
SpongeBob: [opening front door] Gary, [points to wrist] time to come in! [approaches playhouse, where the lights turn off] Gary? Gare-bear?
Gary: [approaches SpongeBob] Meow?
SpongeBob: Come on, buddy. It's late. [points with thumb] Time to go inside.
Gary: [shakes head, grumbles and slithers backwards]
SpongeBob: No? You wanna spend the night in your new playhouse? Aww, that is so cu-- [playhouse door shuts in his face, leaving a dent in it] Hmm. Where'd he get a door? [chains and locks are placed over the door] Okay. Well, I'm--I'm really happy you like my gift. [getting up] Okay, well, good night.
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob going up to his bedroom in sleepwear, holding up a candle. He hears house construction noises and sets down the candle and goes up to the window to see it is coming from the playhouse. SpongeBob opens his window, and Squidward opens up his.]
Squidward: [in nightwear, yelling] SpongeBob, will you knock off that racket?
SpongeBob: [yelling] It's not me!
Squidward: What?
SpongeBob: It's not me! It's [points down] Gary!
Squidward: [confused and mistakes Gary for Larry] Larry? That lousy lobster. [leaves window to dial Larry's number]
[Larry answers, still in his bedroom wearing a sleep mask.]
Squidward: Larry, you meat head. Whatever you're doing, stop it! I need my sleep! [Larry's hand comes out of the phone and punches him into his bed, knocking him out]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] The next morning...
[Cut to SpongeBob the next morning, who opens the front door to see the playhouse. He notices that there is an entire extension to it that resembles his pineapple.]
SpongeBob: Wow. Gary, did you do this? Uh, Gary? [enters playhouse, sees curtain] Huh. [pulls curtain drawstring] What?
[Camera pans to show the interior of the playhouse's living room, which resembles SpongeBob's own.]
SpongeBob: Ohhh, this is so cute! Gary!
Gary: [coming out with a shell that resembles SpongeBob, and starts laughing like him]
SpongeBob: This is too cute! [gasps] I'm having a cuteness attack!
[Spot appears next to Gary and barks.]
SpongeBob: [off-screen] Oh, hi, Spot.
Spot: [shapeshifts to resemble Gary, slithers around him] Meow.
SpongeBob: Oh, [kicking feet] that is the cutest thing [hugs self] I've ever seen. [crawls away] It's so cute. I can't breathe. I need water. [rolling] It's too cute. It's too cute. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute. [gasps] That garbage can looks like Squidward's house.
[Camera pans over to a garbage can that resembles Squidward's house. SquidUrchin comes out, yelling gibberish, then goes back inside.]
SpongeBob: Aw. That Squidward-looking urchin must be one of Gary's pals. Can this day get any more adorable?
Squidward: [off-screen] SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Oh, it can now!
Squidward: [approaching, pointing accusingly] Get your trash can off my-- [trips on rock] oh!
SpongeBob: [waving] Hi, Squidward!
Squidward: [gets up, looks at rock] Huh?
[The rock opens up to reveal a yawning PatSlug.]
Squidward: What the?
[PatSlug burps in Squidward's face]
Squidward: Ew, it looks just like that moron. [looks over to see SquidUrchin jumping up and down, spouting gibberish] What's that? [points to SquidUrchin, then to himself] Is that supposed to be me?
[SquidUrchin goes inside and comes back out, playing the clarinet badly.]
Squidward: Oh, that's...that's...the cutest thing I've ever seen.
[Gary, Spot, and PatSlug all gather around SquidUrchin playing. They all look at Squidward with cute eyes.]
Squidward: [waving tentacles] It's too cute! [his eyes turn to hearts and his head explodes, releasing confetti] Ohh!
SpongeBob: [approaching Squidward] Oh-oh, oh, it's cute!
Squidward: Oh, it's too cute!
SpongeBob: Cute, cute, cute!
Squidward: So adorable! Adorable!
SpongeBob: Oh-ho-ho!
Squidward: That's just too much! Too cute!
SpongeBob: Oh, it's so cute! Oh, so cute!
Patrick: [rocking back and forth] Oh, so cute! [scratching head] What are we blubbering about? [SpongeBob stretches his head over to the pets] Oh, so cute! Oh, cutie cutie cute! [SpongeBob lets go of his head, lifts it back up] Ohh! [starts rocking back and forth with Squidward]
Squidward: So sweet! So adorable! Too, too, cute.
SpongeBob: [joins Patrick and Squidward] This is the cutest day ever in the history of cutest days ever. Too cute. Too, too, too, too cute!
Squidward: Adorable!
[Pan over to the lookalike pets, who look at the three of them with a blank expression.]
Squidward: [off-screen] Adorable!
Patrick: Too cute!
[Bubble transition to Conch Street again, where SquidUrchin is raking his garden.]
SquidUrchin: [humming] La-da-dee, la-de-dum, la-da-dooo ♪
[Gary comes out of his playhouse in a Mermaid Man costume. PatSlug comes out of his rock in a Barnacle Boy costume. They both hop on an invisible boatmobile and start driving around SquidUrchin's house, making him angry. They also skid mud onto his face. Gary and PatSlug then start throwing mud balls at him. SquidUrchin spouts gibberish at them. Pan over to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, who are watching the whole thing.]
Squidward: Hey! Your kids are harassing my kid!
SpongeBob: They're just playing a game.
Patrick: Yeah, and we're winning. [blares airhorn at Squidward]
Squidward: This is a game?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [holding up flags for SpongeGary and PatSlug respectively] Yay!
Squidward: What? What happened?
Patrick: Nothing. We're just rooting for our team. [wraps arm around SpongeBob] Yay, team us! [pokes Squidward's nose with flag] Boo, team you. [tosses flag, drinks soda]
SpongeBob: Maybe you should lay off the sodas. You've had enough sugar for today.
Patrick: [belches, giggles, then throws can at Squidward] Fine.
Squidward: Arrgh.
Patrick: [jumps off, approaches ice cream shop in the shape of an ice cream cone] One sugar cookie ice cream on a sugar cone, please, with extra sugar sprinkles. [Hans gives Patrick his ice cream, gasps] [puts sprinkles on ice cream, then eats it like a blender, including his hand, which grows back]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Many adorable hours later...
[Cut to Conch Street at night, where SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are under a blanket on the bench. PatSlug closes his rock, SquidUrchin goes inside his house, and Gary slithers inside his house.]
Gary: [from window, meowing goodnight] Meow, meow!
PatSlug: [opens rock, "duh"-ing goodnight] Duuuuh, duuuuh!
Gary: Meow, meow!
PatSlug: Duuuuh, duuuuh!
Gary: Meow, meow!
SquidUrchin: [poking through window, spouting gibberish angrily]
SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick.
Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick.
Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick.
Squidward: Will you two please shut up?! [SpongeBob and Patrick close their eyes]
[Bubble transition to the next morning at the same place. SpongeBob is snoring, and a clam on top of his house crows. Another clam crows on top of Gary's playhouse. Patrick is sucking and drooling on Squidward, holding his nose, as they are all still asleep.]
Squidward: [in his sleep] Knock it off.
Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] SpongeBob! [SpongeBob and Squidward wake up as he angrily approaches them] Squidward! Where were you two yesterday? I had to manage, run the register, and cook all day, all by meself!
[Cutaway to Mr. Krabs at the Krusty Krab yesterday, where he is attempting to do everything on his own. He is flipping burnt Krabby Patties as the cash register is burning hot on the stove. He opens up the register, and throws red hot coins at the customers.]
Mr. Krabs: Here ya go!
Customers: [angry, they catch the hot coins, which burn their hands] Hot, hot, hot, hot!
[The cutaway ends.]
Mr. Krabs: Have you ever had to handle hot change? [close-up of claws, which have coin indents on them]
SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I guess we got carried away watching our animal double-gaggers all day.
Squidward: That's doppelgangers.
Patrick: [suddenly waking up] No, I believe it's pronounced bubble hangers.
Mr. Krabs: What are you [facepalms] barnacle brains blabbering about?
[A sea bunny wearing red oven mitts starts mumbling like Mr. Krabs, and the real Mr. Krabs looks over to see him bang on Gary's house.]
Mr. Krabs: What in Neptune's creation is that? [eyes merge in a heart shape] Ooh, and why is it so adorable? [waving claw as he sits on bench] Scooch over.
[Gary comes out of his playhouse, and BunnyKrabs puts a worker's hat on him.]
BunnyKrabs: [grumbling, pointing right]
Gary: Meow, meow! [he and BunnyKrabs start walking to the right]
Mr. Krabs: Whoo-hoo! Go, Krabsy! [sees Gary and BunnyKrabs walk over to a miniature version of the Krusty Krab] Ooh, a tiny little Krusty Krab.
BunnyKrabs: [looks cutesy at Mr. Krabs] Yeah. [goes inside]
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: Too cute. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute.
[Inside the miniature Krusty Krab, Spot and PatSlug are at a table, with PatSlug using his eye to scratch himself. SquidUrchin is at the register, reading a book. BunnyKrabs pushes Gary to the kitchen and leaves. Everyone is now huddled around the tiny Krusty Krab.]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy. What's next?
Patrick: I gotta know!
[A bunch of tiny suitcase buses drive to the tiny Krusty Krab.]
SpongeBob: Aw, an adorable tour group.
Nematodes: Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry.
[The buses empty out several nematodes, which enter the restaurant. They start surrounding the register.]
SquidUrchin: [screams, panics, then screams again]
BunnyKrabs: [barges into kitchen with Hydro-Dynamic Spatula, grumbling, activates spatula, and giving it to Gary]
Patrick: [pointing] Ooh, I think I've seen this one.
Squidward: I think I've lived this one.
Mr. Krabs: [pats SpongeBob's head] This was where me boy-o really came through.
SpongeBob: My shining moment.
[The nematodes are bouncing Gary's friends on top of them.]
Gary: Meow, meow, meow.
BunnyKrabs: [sweating, scared]
Gary: [sighs, breaks spatula] Meow! [angrily leaves]
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
SpongeBob: I don't remember this part.
[Gary comes back with a miniature bulldozer, and bulldozes all of the buildings. He leaves everything behind, including his yellow box shell.]
Gary: Meow. [wiping eye stalks] Meow, meow, meow, meow. [sighs, goes back inside SpongeBob's house] Meow, meow, meow, meow. [door closes]
SpongeBob: Huh. [points to himself] I guess there's only room for one me.
Squidward: [points to himself] Or me.
Mr. Krabs: [shrugs] Or me.
Two Patricks: [pointing to themselves] Or us.
[Bubble transition back to Gary's original sleeping position, where he is snoring. SpongeBob is reading a book and looks at Gary.]
SpongeBob: Nice to have you back inside, Gary.
Gary: Meow. [goes back to sleep]
SpongeBob: [looking at SquidUrchin and PatSlug, who are on a pillow in a box] Oh, it's nice to have you two here as well.
[SquidUrchin kicks PatSlug, who kicks him back. They push against each other, then rub each other as they sleep on each other.]
SpongeBob: Aww. [inflating like a balloon with love heart holes] Too cute. Too cute. Too cute. Too cute! [explodes into love hearts, leaving behind ashy love hearts as the episode ends]