Spatula of the Heavens/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Spatula of the Heavens" from season 13, which aired on July 20, 2023.

[The episode opens with lots of customers at the Krusty Krab.]
Squidward: [writes an order ticket then throws it at the window] SpongeBob, hurry up in there! [writes another order ticket and throws it at the window]
SpongeBob: [runs while reading an order ticket and spins his spatula] 4,297 Krabby Patties, [unveils a stack of patties from his hat] coming right up! [brings the spatula to the first patty on top then flicks all of them down on the grill]
[SpongeBob flips away stacks of lettuce, tomatoes and onions, then one slice of each stack land on a bun. SpongeBob then flips the Krabby Patties onto the buns and takes off, accidentally leaving his spatula on the grill. After the patties land on the slices of ingredients, SpongeBob lays the top bun on each sandwich and smiles at them.]
SpongeBob: [carrying two plates full of Krabby Patties] Order's up! [notices his spatula on the grill and screams as he drops the plates and rushes to the grill] Spatty! [pulls out a tong] Hang in there buddy, [uses the tongs to carefully remove the spatula from the grill] I'll save you! [the spatula cools off and he sighs in relief]
[The spatula shatters into pieces, and SpongeBob gasps.]
SpongeBob: No!
[The scene cuts to an overwhelmed Squidward trying to take orders until he gets frustrated and yells at SpongeBob through the order window.]
Squidward: SpongeBob, where are my orders?!
SpongeBob: I... I can't flip patties anymore.
Mr. Krabs: [heard off-screen squealing, then shoves Squidward out of the way and peeks through the order window] You what? [squeezes through the kitchen window] You better explain yourself, boy-o!
SpongeBob: My spatula's broken Mr. Krabs, I can't make Krabby Patties without Spatty!
Mr. Krabs: Is that all? Just grab another one from the spatular closet. [opens a cabin to reveal many greasy and worn out spatulas]
SpongeBob: Oh, I can't cook with those, Mr. Krabs. I need to use my own spatula, not just any spatula. You see Mr. Krabs, Spatty is very special and very ancient. He was forged deep in the mountains beyond the horizon, in the far flung land of-
Mr. Krabs: [interrupts SpongeBob] Listen up, boy-o! I'm losing money by the second here! I don't care what you do, but you better get back in a jiffy or I'll just have to give your job [pulls SpongeTom from a barrel] to SpongeTom here.
SpongeTom: I'm prepared!
SpongeBob: No! Anything but that! Don't worry, I'll get my spatula reforged! [runs out of the kitchen and runs through customers]
Squidward: SpongeBob, where are you-
SpongeBob: [dodges and runs through the customers] Hold down the fort for me Squidward, thanks!
[SpongeBob runs out of the Krusty Krab to his house and breaks through his door and the back to get a hiking backpack. He runs through Jellyfish Fields, Kelp Forest, and walks tiredly through a desert out of breath. He approaches an ice cream stand with Incidental 39 offering him two strawberry ice cream cones.]
SpongeBob: [accepts the ice creams] Thank you. [puts each cone on his shoes and starts skiing]
Incidental 39: Hm, I've been using them wrong all these years!
[SpongeBob continues skiing upwards to a hill eventually bringing him up to Bikini Atoll and goes to the other side of the island, stumbling his way to the Mystical Misty Mountains.]
SpongeBob: The Mystical Misty Mountains. Finally here!
[The camera pans up revealing a long climb to the top.]
SpongeBob: And now for a short walk to the top.
[SpongeBob throws up rope to hold onto a rock, using to climb himself up.]
SpongeBob: [wipes sweat off his head] Woo! [takes off his backpack, and starts shivering] Oooh! Well at least I didn't carry [a piece of the mountain where he laid his backpack starts cracking] this backpack for nothing. [the piece breaks off and the backpack falls as he tries to reach for it]
Rube: [offscreen] Amazing! [walks to SpongeBob] Right on time!
SpongeBob: I am?
Rube: You sure [pokes SpongeBob] are! I'll be your guide today! First off, we'll cross this amazing fish made bridge!
[SpongeBob notices that the bridge is very rickety and made of boards roped on top of each other, then gulps in fear.]
Rube: Don't worry! This is way easier than it looks! [he and SpongeBob start crossing the bridge] On your left, is the chasm of [a shallow of spikes are shown] infinite bruising!
SpongeBob: [the bridge starts shaking] D'oh! Wonderful!
Rube: And on your right, [a pit of frozen fishes are shown] we got the freezing pit!
[Three of the fishes blink and SpongeBob shivers in fear.]
Rube: [runs to the end of the bridge and jumps over the last piece of it] I told ya it'd be a breeze!
[SpongeBob is seen clutching onto the bridge and crawls his way to Rube.]
Rube: You're doing amazing! Let's keep moving! [approaches a keep out sign] Oh! Well, here we are. Huh, [shrugs at SpongeBob] this is where we part company! Beyond this point lies [the camera pans closer to his face] only death... [the camera pans out] Plus I clock out at six! Have fun! [walks to an elevator]
SpongeBob: Danger, huh? Nothing will stop us from flipping delicious Krabby Patties! [walks past the danger sign and climbs to the top to see Guru Greasetrap holding a spatula]
SpongeBob: Whoa! [walks up to Guru] Whoa! [notices a ring bell] Oh! [rings the bell]
Guru Greasetrap: [wakes up and slaps himself three times] Ah. All better now.
SpongeBob: Oh, uh sorry to disturb your sacred snoring ritual, but I have traveled a long way, from the kitchen of the Krusty Krab just to get-
Guru Greasetrap: Say no more! Guru Greasetrap already knows why SpongeBob is here.
SpongeBob: [sighs excitedly]
Guru Greasetrap: [lifts up his coat revealing a mini utensil shop under him] We have just what you need! Melon ballers, spaghetti spools, bake timers, and there's also a special on this giant banana hanger! [holding a bake timer] Whaddya say?
SpongeBob: [chuckles] Uh, this is all really nice, but, [reaches into his pockets] I just need to get my beloved [holds out the broken spatula pieces] spatula fixed. Can you reforge it? [kneels on his knees] Oh please tell me we can save him, Mr. Greasetrap!
Guru Greasetrap: Oh, is that all? Sure! It'll just take a few minutes. Just let the old man grab his hammer and anvil. [walks up to a closet]
SpongeBob: [runs to the closet] Ooh! Let me get it for ya! [opens the door and the anvils start shaking]
Guru Greasetrap: No, wait! [tries to prevent the anvils from falling but they land on his hands and he shrieks]
SpongeBob: Don't worry! [attempts to remove an anvil]
[Guru sighs in disappointment.]
French Narrator: [reading time card] Later..
Guru Greasetrap: Greasetrap cannot reforge your spatula until my hands have healed up. But your true spatula is inside you! [raises his eyebrows twice]
[SpongeBob looks around confused, gasps excitedly then sighs sadly and looks at Guru Greasetrap.]
Guru Greasetrap: [sighs] Fine, I can teach you to reforge it.
SpongeBob: [gasps excitedly and hugs Guru] Oh thank you mister, Oh thank you!
[Bubble transition to the next scene with Guru raising his hand.]
Guru Greasetrap: Remember, every cut is sacred. [karate chops]
SpongeBob: [tries to chop a piece of wood but he shatters entirely. He then picks up some logs]
Guru Greasetrap: Do not carry the wood; let the wood carry you.
[SpongeBob carries some logs and walks on one of them, causing him to slip and let go of all logs, all of them lands on Guru Greasetrap and his head.]
Guru Greasetrap: [holding a stick] Become one with the fire.
SpongeBob: Neh-heh! [twists a stick onto a log and pants as he twists it faster, making a fire] Whoo! Huh? [the fire catches up on Guru's coat]
Guru Greasetrap: Ahh! I'm one with the fire! [runs away screaming and lands face first on a pile of snow]
SpongeBob: Um, master? Is it time yet?
French Narrator: [reading time card] Many, many unbearable moments later...
Guru Greasetrap: Ohh.. he'll never be ready.
SpongeBob: [walking in a circle determined] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm read- [Guru stops him with his hand]
Guru Greasetrap: You know what?
SpongeBob: What?
Guru Greasetrap: [grabs SpongeBob] You've convinced me! [brings him to a fireplace] Greasetrap also thinks you're ready!
SpongeBob: Really?
Guru Greasetrap: Mmm-hmm!
[SpongeBob gasps excitedly, bringing out the broken spatula pieces.]
SpongeBob: Hear that, Spatty? It is finally time. [walks up to the fireplace and drops all of the pieces into a coaster]
[The spatula melts and SpongeBob uses a grabber to move the coaster. He pours the melted spatula into a spatula-shaped rock mold. The scene cuts to SpongeBob metalsmithing the hot spatula using a hammer and anvil, then places it into a pile of snow, melting the snow which reveals a cooled-off spatula.]
SpongeBob: [examines spatula using a magnifying glass, connects the spatula to the handle, squeals excitedly and kisses the spatula] You're finally back! [hugs the spatula]
Guru Greasetrap: Finally, indeed. [SpongeBob puts the spatula in his pocket]
SpongeBob: Thank you from the bottom of my pants, master! [hears his watch beeping] Oh no! I have to find a way back to the Krusty Krab, before it's [his watch is shown in four different sections: Late, Too Late, Early, and Right on Time; the watch hand is almost at Too Late] too late!
Guru Greasetrap: Don't worry. Guru Greasetrap knows a shortcut. Close your eyes.
SpongeBob: Ooh, I love surprises! [covers his eyes with his hands]
Guru Greasetrap: [kicks SpongeBob] Surprise! [SpongeBob screams and falls down the mountain as Guru Greasetrap walks to his chair watching television as game show dings and buzzers are heard from "The Price Is Right"]
[As SpongeBob continues falling down the mountain, he gets caught in turning into a snowball, which increases.]
Rube: [heading to his car and locks it until he notices he's in a shadow; turns around to see the giant snowball] Amazing! [the snowball lands and bounces away on him, turning him into a snowman]
Incidental 39: [tries to put on two ice cream cones as ice skates and notices the snowball passing by] Huh? [sees the snowball pass by]
[The snowball goes through the dessert, Kelp Forest, Jellyfish Fields, and enters Bikini Bottom.]
Mr. Krabs: [looking at the same watch SpongeBob has as the hand ticks at the top] Hmmmm, time's up! The job's yours, SpongeTom.
SpongeTom: [throws away a newspaper he was reading] Oh, boy! [rubs his hands together] My dreams are finally coming true! [as he heads to the grill, SpongeBob crashes atop of his head]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! I'd knew you'd be back, boyo!
SpongeBob: And, [points to his spatula] I'm not alone!
Mr. Krabs: [runs to the dining room table] SpongeBob's back, everybody!
[Many customers are shown to be starving.]
Customers: Yay...! [a customer's skeleton head falls off, and exclaims "ow"]
SpongeBob: [walks backwards spinning his spatula on his finger, spins and sets his foot up for the spatula to land on] It's our time to shine! [uses his spatula to flip a patty but it breaks and he screams and panics]
[The steam from the Krabby Patty forms into a vision of Guru Greasetrap.]
Guru Greasetrap: Remember, your true spatula is inside you. [the steam fades away]
SpongeBob: [forms his hands into two spatulas] Become one with the patties. [carries the patties with his spatula hands, to which he burns, causing him to flip the patties] Every cut is sacred. [cuts a tomato, an onion and a head of lettuce into slices and pushes Krabby Patties away] Let the patties [he is shown to be running] carry you! [the patties land on one of his hands, throws them out the order window and hums as he puts his hands together]
[The patties are flung out the window, and the Eel chugs down some patties, Incidental 152 gets hit with a Krabby Patty which is immediately in his mouth.]
Incidental 152: Yay! [gets covered in Krabby Patties]
Judge 2: [eats tons of Krabby Patties and explodes]
[Bubble transition to everyone cheering, full of Krabby Patties as the skeleton fish's head falls off, to which he exclaims "ow" again.]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that was amazing.
SpongeBob: [with hands bandaged up and his hat on fire] Thanks, Mr. Krabs.
[Guru Greasetrap enters goes up to the register.]
Guru Greasetrap: One Krabby Patty and a large- [notices SpongeBob] What happened to your hands?
SpongeBob: I remembered what you told me, and I went deep within to find my true spatula.
Guru Greasetrap: [face palms and sighs] When I said your true spatula was inside you, I meant it was literally inside [opens SpongeBob's face like a cabinet to reveal a spatula inside of him] you.
SpongeBob: [grabs the spatula and closes his face like a cabinet] Whoa, it's beautiful! [sheds a tear]
Mr. Krabs: Er, you might wanna wash that first.