Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium" from season 15, which aired on February 28, 2025.

[The episode opens in front of Squidward's house, where a ray of sunshine hits the front of. Some scallops come in through the windows, chirping as they sit on the record player, which begins to play music. Two sea bunnies come in through the window, and one spins on the record briefly. They circle around a sleeping Squidward to wake him up. They give him a cup of coffee, which he takes.]
Squidward: [sighs happily, then the doorbell rings]
Animals: [scream, then attack Squidward]
Squidward: Ow! Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Another miserable start to another miserable day. [opens the front door in a robe]
Jeffy: [disguising as a stranger wearing a trench coat and novelty glasses] Greetings! You strike me as a man with a healthy sense of humor.
[Close-up of Squidward's unamused face.]
Jeffy: Well, boy, do I have just the offer for you. [flicks Squidward's nose, then shoves a pair of chattering teeth into his mouth] It's a deal you can really sink your chattering teeth into. Oh, but that's not all. Do you like to snap your gum? [gives Squidward a pack of gum, which he takes and gets his tentacle stuck in a snapping trap; Squidward screams] Well, this gum snaps you! These priceless gags can be yours for the low, low price of $24.99. [reaches into his bag and opens a box of steak knives] But if you act now, I'll throw in a free set of steak knives! [laughing]
Squidward: Are you finished now, Dad?
Jeffy: [takes off his novelty glasses, revealing his true self] Oh, how did you know it was me? [drops his trench coat in his bag; hugs Squidward] Bring it in, son. I just flew into town on my new sales route and thought I would drop by. And also thought I would stay for a few days. [enters Squidward's house]
Squidward: You what? [goes after Jeffy] Hey!
Jeffy: [presses a button on his bag to eject all of his luggage onto the floor] Oh, wow! [runs off]
Squidward: Mm-hmm?
Jeffy: [upstairs, looking at Squidward's paintings] Very impressive, Squiddy.
Squidward: Oh, you really think so?
Jeffy: Of course! [puts on a clown nose] I love clown paintings. [laughs, honks his nose; rimshot plays; Squidward groans; holds a clarinet] Cheer up, son. Hey, why don't you play me one of your famous clarinet tunes?
Squidward: [takes the clarinet] Well, I have been practicing a new song. [tries to play the clarinet, and bubbles come out of it]
Jeffy: [laughs, sending off his clown nose] It's the classic bubble-blowing clarinet. It's only $6.99. [laughs crazily]
Squidward: This will be the longest few days of my life.
[Bubble transition to Squidward sitting down at a table to read a newspaper. He accidentally rips it after hearing a honking noise.]
Squidward: [crumples and tosses away his newspaper] Dad, can you keep your honking down? [looks out his side window, also hearing SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] Oh, no.
Jeffy: [squeezing a rubber chicken in front of SpongeBob and Patrick]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughing and clapping]
Jeffy: If you like rubber chickens, you'll love this bicycle horn! [honks a bicycle horn, blowing on SpongeBob and Patrick's face]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laugh]
Jeffy: Oh, that's right, boys. I've got horns aplenty. Foghorns! [uses a foghorn in front of SpongeBob and Patrick, blowing fog at them] French horns! [blows a French horn, which makes a French man noise and shoots a baguette into SpongeBob's face] Bull horns! [blows a horn to inflate an inflatable bull]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ah!
Jeffy: Just $9.99 each. [the bull falls onto SpongeBob and Patrick] I take all major credit cards, but I promise [nudges SpongeBob with his elbow] I'd give them all back.
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Jeffy: [laugh]
Squidward: Please do not arm my annoying neighbors with even more annoying props. I'm begging you, father.
Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: What? Squidward, this is your dad?
Patrick: I thought Mr. Krabs was your dad.
Squidward: No, Patrick, and I would appreciate it if you left my father and I alone. [tries bringing Jeffy along with him to leave]
Jeffy: Ohh, come on, Squidward. Join in. It's just harmless fun.
SpongeBob: [now with a joy buzzer] Yeah, harmless fun. Put her there, Patrick.
Patrick: [puts his hand out for SpongeBob and gets electrocuted, then puts out his hand again with a joy buzzer]
SpongeBob: [puts out his hand and gets electrocuted; they high-five but both get electrocuted]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laugh]
Squidward: No. [walks away]
Jeffy: [puts both of his tentacles out with joy buzzers] Here, let me help you two up. [SpongeBob and Patrick get electrocuted, then they all laugh]
Squidward: [closes the bedroom curtains] Well, today was a wash. Guess I'll try again tomorrow. I just need to sleep for... [winds his alarm clock] 23 1/2 hours. [tries to go to sleep, but a fart sound comes out from a whoopee cushion below his bed]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laugh off-screen]
Jeffy: [outside the bedroom window] You'll be the life of the slumber party with my patented whoopee bed!
Squidward: Leave me alone! [throws an alarm clock at the trio to knock them over]
Jeffy: [all three descend smoothly with a rubber ladder] Always handy to have a rubber ladder. [catches the ladder in his bag]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [gasp as]
Jeffy: [unzips a white box, which ejects his store from inside; pulls a string to put up the sign "Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium"] Oh, here it is. Ta-da!
SpongeBob: [laughs] Now that's what I call a pop-up store.
Jeffy: [using a megaphone, blowing sound into SpongeBob's face] Hey, step right up to Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium. [Squidward looks from his open window] I'm a peddler of pranks, a killer of gags, a traitor of tricks. You need it? I sell a novelty approximation of it. Your friends will be saying, hey, pranks a lot.
Squidward: Well, I'm saying pranks for nothing! [slams window shut]
SpongeBob: Who would have thought Squidward's dad would be such a lively guy?
Patrick: Yeah, he makes me laugh. Squidward just makes me sad.
Jeffy: Nonsense. Squidward is hilarious in his own right. I mean, his name is Squidward, but he's an octopus. Ha, that was one of my best pranks.
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Jeffy: [laugh]
Patrick: That's a good one.
SpongeBob: Can we see more of your novelty gags, Mr. Tentacles?
Jeffy: Please, Mr. Tentacles is my son. Call me Jeffy. [holds out a hand, which SpongeBob takes and breaks off]
SpongeBob: [yelps]
Jeffy: [pops out his tentacle, the three all laugh] There's more where that came from. Here are just a few of my prototype gags. [drops a bar of soap into Patrick's hands] Polka dot soap.
Patrick: [rubs the soap onto his face, which creates red dots on it] Dot's great. [laughs]
Jeffy: Disappearing squid ink. [squirts squid ink onto the lower half of SpongeBob's body, which turns invisible]
SpongeBob: Ooh, think of all the money I'll save on pants.
Jeffy: And don't forget my bombsicles. [holds up an orange popsicle]
Patrick: Ah! [takes the bombsicle and explodes, leaving a large hole in his face] Cool.
Jeffy: That's right. I've developed thousands of gags over the course of my career. [pulls out cloths from his shirt and shows a blueprint] I've even been working on the ultimate gag.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh.
Jeffy: [rolls up the blueprint] But it's just not ready yet. I can't seem to figure it out.
SpongeBob: [excitedly raising his hand with Patrick] Ooh, ooh, we can help!
Patrick: Yeah, show us your new gags, Mr. Jeffyward.
Jeffy: Brilliant idea, boys. Hey, why don't you step into my test kitchen?
[Screen wipe to Squidward's kitchen.]
Patrick: You know, this looks a lot like Squidward's kitchen.
Jeffy: Think of it as my gag lab. I've planted some of my newest pranks around. For instance...
Squidward: [tries pouring rice from a box into a bowl, but nothing comes out] Huh? [looks inside the box]
Jeffy: Rice lice.
Squidward: [the rice lice get all over his face; screams and itches]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Jeffy: [snicker]
Jeffy: Some people are so bad at cooking, they can't even boil water.
Squidward: [sets a pot on the stove, which sets on fire; screams]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [hold onto their mouths, snickering]
Jeffy: Especially not with a flammable pot! [Squidward uses what he thinks is a fire extinguisher on the stove, which only ignites a new fire; screams] He'd better grab that fire re-stinguisher.
Squidward: [screams]
Jeffy: [gives Squidward a flower] Here, son, use this squirting flower.
Squidward: [uses the flower, which squirts out bread; yelps]
Jeffy: It's the real fire extinguisher.
Squidward: [sighs] Well, at least the fire's out. [tries to get out of the bread, but can't] Hey, I'm stuck.
Jeffy: [takes a piece of bread and spreads butter onto it, then eats it] That's because it's also instant bread. Ta-da!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay!
Jeffy: [puts a sale sticker on Squidward's head] Get it while it's hot. It's a fire sale. Now, who wants to buy some fun?
Squidward: [breaks out of the bread in anger] That's it! I'm going where there won't be any fun. [cut to him at the Krusty Krab] Work. [opens the register] What? Wait a minute. [pulls out a stretchy dollar bill, which hits him in the face] Oh! My cornea! Something's wrong with this money. [exits the register to see a spill on the floor] I better go tell Mr. Krabs. What? I'm not cleaning that up.
SpongeBob: [wearing fake teeth] What's wrong, Squidward?
Squidward: Huh? Why do your teeth look weirder than usual?
SpongeBob: [spits out the fake teeth] Rubber teeth. [takes the spill] And this is a rubber spill. [takes the dollar] And rubber money. I bought all these pranks from your dad. Aren't they hilarious?
Squidward: [grunts and runs to what he thinks is Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob is being obnoxious again. [the fake Mr. Krabs deflates to reveal a huddled-up Jeffy] Huh? [yelps]
Jeffy: [rimshot plays] Gotcha! [holds the fake Mr. Krabs] It's my famous rubber boss! For only $99.99!
Squidward: I can't take it anymore! [runs away screaming, exiting the Krusty Krab]
Patrick: [on top of the Krusty Krab holding a water balloon] Hey, Squidward. Your dad sold me this giant water balloon! Only $49.99! [throws the water balloon at Squidward] Catch!
Squidward: Oh, no. [gets electrocuted]
Patrick: [off-screen] It's full of jellyfish! [laughs]
Squidward: [groaning] Oh.
[Bubble transition to Jeffy sleeping with his bag on Squidward's couch.]
Squidward: [holding a pillow behind the couch] Now to do something I should have done a long time ago. [swaps the suitcase with the pillow]
Jeffy: [clutching the pillow] What a beautiful baby.
Squidward: [sets down the suitcase upstairs] So, daddy dearest. [adjusts the desk lamp] You like pranks, do you? I'll give you some pranks you'll never forget. [uses a hammer on the desk; laughs maniacally as beams of colored light come out of the windows]
[The next morning, Squidward comes out with a mystery box, looking sleep deprived.]
Squidward: [laughing insanely]
Jeffy: [cleans one of his novelty teeth with a toothbrush; waves to Squidward] Morning, son. Looking chipper as always.
Squidward: [holds out the mystery box] I have a present for you, father.
Jeffy: For me? You shouldn't have.
Squidward: [rubbing his tentacles together; menacingly] Oh, but you really deserve it.
Jeffy: I wonder what it could be. [opens the box, and a boxing glove comes out to punch his face] Whoa! A surprise boxing glove? I love it! [a pie from the box hits him in the face] And a cream pie... [his forehead turns red, which he scratches] with itching cream! [a fart explosion comes out of the box] And a stink bomb, too! [a fire extinguisher pops out to set him on fire, then a chicken pterodactyl pops out and screams in his face; a balloon rises from the box and pops to reveal a bunch of jellyfish that electrocute him off-screen, making him scream as Squidward watches with a grin] Uh-oh. Son, this is it. The ultimate gag! [the box fills his head with water, then a woman comes out of the box and slaps the water out of him; a sea bear puts a sombrero onto his head upside-down, and mauls him off-screen]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh.
Squidward: Pretty funny, right?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [nodding] Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Squidward: [gives the two their own boxes] Here, knock yourselves out.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah! [open their boxes and get hit with boxing gloves]
Squidward: [lounges in a lounge chair to watch]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelling off-screen as they get set on fire]
Jeffy: You certainly take after your old man. [a mallet comes out of the box to hit his face] I'm so proud of you for figuring out my ultimate gag. [a hand reaches out, and he gets electrocuted as he reaches out his] Now I can share it with the world. [an anchor ejects from the box and lands on his head] I'll just go pack up my things and head out.
Squidward: Really? [fakes wiping a tear] That's all I ever wanted to hear you say. [sighs and takes a lick of a bombsicle, exploding his head off]
Jeffy: [off-screen] Gotcha!
Squidward: [sarcastically] Ha, ha.