Penny Foolish/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Penny Foolish" from season 6, which aired on March 7, 2008.

[The episode starts at the Discount Grocery Mart. Mr. Krabs places a basket of items on the counter and Incidental 104 scans them.]
Incidental 104: Price check on industrial size econo pack of raw fiber.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, it goes in like steel wool, but comes out like an angel from heaven.
Incidental 104: [sarcastically] Please, tell me more.
Mr. Krabs: Ooh, well, this one-time I...
Incidental 104: Not really.
Mr. Krabs: I didn't think so. Ooh, wait, I almost forgot me coupons! [hands her a lot of coupons] There's a couple double ones in there, too.
Incidental 104: Sir, these expired over 30 years ago.
Mr. Krabs: What does that mean?
Incidental 104: It means they're no good, sir. I'll just throw those away for you.
Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'll take 'em.
Incidental 104: Okay, sir, your change today is going to be exactly ten cents.
Mr. Krabs: Come to papa! Come to papa! [two nickels slide out] Yay! Two nickels. [laughs, then gasps as he notices SpongeBob walking on the street] Hey, that's SpongeBob out there! [SpongeBob does some weird things] What in blue blazes is that boy up to? [SpongeBob points to something that appears to be a penny. Two fish passing by look at him. SpongeBob picks it up and puts it in his pocket] Well, I'll be a geriatric jellyfish! SpongeBob found a penny! A bright shiny penny just sitting there, and he picked it right up! Huh, I can remember the whole thing as if it just happened a moment ago. [Mr. Krabs imagines what just happened]
SpongeBob: [in the thought bubble] Sir? Sir? [it is actually Incidental 104]
Incidental 104: Sir? [thought bubble disappears]
Mr. Krabs: What?
Incidental 104: You're holding up the line.
Mr. Krabs: [a long line of angry fish is shown] Ooh, I am? [leaves]
Incidental 104: Next, please. [cuts to night where Mr. Krabs is driving his boat]
Mr. Krabs: Interesting how things work out that way. Some folks just walk along and stumble over free money, while others, others, they work! [zooms out seeing that there's another car next to his and hearing dolphin chirps from Mr. Krabs]
Billy: Hey, mommy, look at that weird guy in the car over there.
Billy's Mom: Billy, mommy's watching the road right now.
Mr. Krabs: I mean, why couldn't I have just walked along and found it? I have legs, too, you know! [sighs] How about a little music. [music dial turns into a penny. Mr. Krabs gasps and screams] Okay, okay, get a grip, Krabs. Just concentrate on driving. [steering wheel turns into a penny. Mr. Krabs screams and lets go of it, then holds it again] Okay, getting all worked up over a little coin. [laughs] Ah, it must just be the full moon. Wait a second. [the moon turns into a penny, and Mr. Krabs screams] I... gotta... have... that... penny! [cuts to next day at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob walks in] Good morning, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good morning, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Find anything special lately?
SpongeBob: Yae-yes.
Mr. Krabs: Really?
SpongeBob: Yup.
Mr. Krabs: And you want to share it with your old uncle Krabs, don't you, boy?
SpongeBob: Of course.
Mr. Krabs: Great! Well, share it with me.
SpongeBob: [laughs] I already am sharing it with you, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Wha.. What?
SpongeBob: The thing I found was a bright, shiny, new... day! Well, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. [talking to Squidward] Morning, Squidward.
Squidward: Don't talk to me.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs seems to be in a good mood today.
Squidward: That counts as talking. [SpongeBob walks into the kitchen, and Mr. Krabs is in there]
SpongeBob: Whoa! Hello again, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hello, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: What can I do you for?
Mr. Krabs: Can I borrow a penny?
SpongeBob: A penny? Sure. [checks his pocket] Hmm, sorry. All out of pennies right now.
Mr. Krabs: But did you check all your pockets?
SpongeBob: Well, I thought I did.
Mr. Krabs: Front pockets? [SpongeBob checks]
SpongeBob: Hmm, no.
Mr. Krabs: Back? [SpongeBob checks]
SpongeBob: Hmm-mm.
Mr. Krabs: Shirt pockets? [SpongeBob checks]
SpongeBob: Nada.
Mr. Krabs: Shoe pockets?
SpongeBob: [laughs] Shoe pockets. Oh, Mr. Krabs, that is just ridiculous.
Mr. Krabs: It is?
SpongeBob: Well, I do have a tie pocket though. [SpongeBob checks] No, not in there either.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, maybe it fell in your sock.
SpongeBob: Well, I...
Mr. Krabs: Did you check there? [holds SpongeBob upside down, and shakes him, SpongeBob's brain falls out] Uhh?
SpongeBob: Hey, look, it's my brain! [brain grows legs and walks away] Hey, where's it going? [brain walks through a crack] Ooh, there. [brain crawls on Squidward, and SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs follow it, they find it under a barrel] Aha! [brain squirts liquid at him] Ugh! [laughs. He grabs his brain] Not so fast, little guy. There now. Yes, I know. Come here. [brain crawls back into his head]
Mr. Krabs: Uhh?
SpongeBob: What's the matter, Mr. Krabs? Didn't you know I was a brain whisperer?
Mr. Krabs: So, uhh, no penny, huh?
SpongeBob: Nope.
Mr. Krabs: Darn. [cuts to later when SpongeBob is mopping, and hears a noise]
SpongeBob: Squidward, these deafening construction sounds are preventing me from working.
Squidward: Me, too.
SpongeBob: You think we should walk out back to investigate?
Squidward: Never. [he and SpongeBob are now walking out back]
SpongeBob: The sounds were coming from back here. What the? [a movie theater is being built]
Mr. Krabs: Careful with those marquee letters!
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, you made your own movie theater!
Mr. Krabs: Yes, I did.
SpongeBob: Yay!
Mr. Krabs: And you're just in time for the grand opening! [pulls a lever that turns on the electricity on. Removes his construction hat and wears a magician hat] Step right up, folks, and witness a spellbinding tale chock full of adventure, and action, and thrills... [Mr. Krabs is chirping like a dolphin as two incidental fish walk up]
Frank: You know I'm not really hungry?
Incidental 1D: Yeah, let's go see what this fat guy is yelling about.
Mr. Krabs: ...witness the terrifying challenges overcome by... by...
Incidental 1D: By who?
Mr. Krabs: by a... by a plucky young sponge!
SpongeBob: Just like me!
Mr. Krabs: That's right! And the best part is: admission is only one penny!
Squidward: Does a movie like that even exist?
Incidental 1D: Yeah, does it?!
Mr. Krabs: Uhh, well... actually, I was going to show you this flipbook and...
Squidward: A flipbook?
Incidental 1D: Yeah, I don't even know what that is! [everyone angrily walks away]
Mr. Krabs: No, wait. Noooooooo!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I see the movie now? Please?
Mr. Krabs: Of course you can, lad! [SpongeBob smiles] You just gotta give me one penny.
SpongeBob: But, but...
Mr. Krabs: But what?
SpongeBob: But, I really don't have a penny. [Mr. Krabs screams in anger, his eye twitches, then he drives a crane with a wrecking ball to demolish the theater. SpongeBob runs off. After demolishing the theater, a puff of smoke flies to Mr. Krabs and pops at his face. Cuts to night where SpongeBob is walking to the Krusty Krab at night] Huh, that's too bad. I really wanted to see that movie. [enters the Krusty Krab] Oh, well. [Squidward is dressed like a waiter]
Squidward: Good evening, [SpongeBob whistles] and [looks at a piece of paper] welcome to the [looks at the paper] Krusty Krab semi-annual charity night.
SpongeBob: Squidward? You look beautiful!
Squidward: [trying not to lose his temper] Let me show you to your table.
SpongeBob: My table? Fancy. [gasps] My very own name tag.
[Lights turn off and Squidward sighs, as he shines a flashlight on Mr. Krabs.]
Mr. Krabs: Hello, and welcome to a very important evening. Tonight's event is entitled: Pennies, for the penny-less. And before the following images are shown, I would ask each of you to look not look with your eyes, but with your heart. [shows some images] Three dimes, two nickels, one quarter, zero pennies. And since I realize the images seen here tonight may be wretchedly hideous, I am going to tell you what you can do to end this travesty: You can donate one penny to me: Mr. Krabs. Also known as: Mr. Krabs, the man who doesn't have one.
[Mr. Krabs starts crying and SpongeBob is crying, too.]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: [cheered up] Yes?
SpongeBob: I would like to donate a penny...
Mr. Krabs: You would?
SpongeBob: If I only had one!
[SpongeBob cries even harder, Mr. Krabs' tie disappears while his eyes go into his head, and he screams in desperation. The scene then cuts to SpongeBob's house, Mr. Krabs is using a flower delivery truck to spy on his house, he is speaking gibberish, he notices SpongeBob walking out the door, he walks in, with a metal detector, and then Mr. Krabs looks around.]
Mr. Krabs: Hiding it, somewhere. Hiding it. Hiding it. Hiding it. Hiding it.
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: What's that? You! You know where!
Gary: Meow. [Mr. Krabs picks him up]
Mr. Krabs: Tell where!
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: Hiding it, inside, [reaches into Gary's shell] in there, somewhere. [lights come on, and SpongeBob walks in holding a drink]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Mr. Krabs! What is this metal detector doing on the floor? These should only be stored on special racks. [gasps] And you're not wearing your metal detector handling gloves!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I just wanted that penny you found on the street yesterday. Oh, I'm sorry.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, that wasn't a penny! [laughs]
Mr. Krabs: It wasn't?
SpongeBob: [takes out what he got from the sidewalk] No, that was just a dried-up piece of gum for my collection. I think it's peppermint.
Mr. Krabs: Ah ha ha ha ha hooooooooo hoo. I feel so relieved. There was no penny after all. Well, I'll be going now. You can keep the metal detector, SpongeBob. See ya! [leaves]
SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs! Here, Gary, you can play with that.
[Gary sniffs the gum, blows a raspberry at it, and slithers away. Suddenly, the gum then absorbs the spit and expands slightly.]
SpongeBob: Hey, this isn't gum at all. [unfolds it, revealing that it is really a $500 bill] Just a dumb old $500 bill. This won't go with my chewed-up gum collection. [tosses the dollar bill aside and leaves] Oh, well. [cut to outside the pineapple] Good night, Gary.
[Lights turn off, then zooms out revealing that Mr. Krabs is digging holes outside of the pineapple still looking for the penny.]
Mr. Krabs: That, me penny, he must've buried it around here somewhere. I'll just have to keep digging.
[The episode ends.]