Sammy Suckerfish/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Sammy Suckerfish" from season 15, which aired on July 24, 2024.

[The episode opens at the Krusty Krab in the evening. It cuts to SpongeBob in the kitchen.]
SpongeBob: [throws his spatula onto a hanger while pointing] Nice flippin' today, Spatty. Great grill work, [slaps the grill, creating a flame] Grilly. [points to the flame] And we couldn't have done it without you, Flamey. [Flamey kisses him; turns off the grill, making Flamey disappear, waves] See ya tomorrow! [opens the kitchen door, giggling, then notices the Krusty Krab is a filthy green mess, jumping backwards] Gallopin' garbage!
[The camera zooms out to show the extent of the filth, and something green drips onto the floor.]
SpongeBob: [sitting, looking around] I've never seen the Krusty Krab covered in this much filth.
Mr. Krabs: Whaddya expect from a [pulls down Sewer Dwellers banner] Sewer Dwellers' convention, [points behind] table manners?
Monster: [sloppily eating at a table, burps]
Mr. Krabs: [comes by with a broom] All right. You've had enough. [pushes the monster with the broom] You don't have to go back to the sewer, but ya [repeatedly hits the monster on the head] can't stay here.
Monster: [roars and leaves, whimpering]
Mr. Krabs: We're closed! Boy-o, make sure this place is spotless before ya leave. [tosses broom before leaving]
SpongeBob: [broom lands in his hands, salutes] Aye, aye, [pushes broom into the goo, splashing it] Mr. Krabs. [lifts shoe from sticky goo] Ay-yi-yi. [swipes broom] This is gonna take me all night. Well, I'd better get started. [takes off broom top to reveal a spiked end] Hmm.
[A close-up of the pointy end of the broom is shown.]
SpongeBob: [takes out a trash bag and begins poking trash with it, putting it all inside] I wish I had a friend to help me clean this place up.
[Outside, the wind blows various objects away, including Squidward on a bicycle. SpongeBob goes outside.]
SpongeBob: Hmm. [holds up spit from his mouth with his finger, which hits his face] Strong wind coming in from the east.
Sammy Suckerfish: [off-screen] More specifically, I'd wager, we're coming in from the northeast.
SpongeBob: Who said that?
Sammy: [off-screen] I did, Gov'ner. [appears in the wind up above, slowly descending]
SpongeBob: [blown inside by the wind] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [faceplants on some goo]
Sammy: [flies in while holding a mop] Moppy, that landing was perfectly practical in every way.
Moppy: [barks, pants]
SpongeBob: [gets up from the floor, dirty] Who are you?
Sammy: [bouncing to get the bucket off his foot] Why, I'm Sammy Suckerfish, the jolly janitor I am, I am. [waves arm] And the word on the wind is [hits SpongeBob with Moppy] you need a little cleaning.
SpongeBob: [jumps] Boy, do I! [tips employee hat] Hiya, Moppy.
Moppy: [barks, pants]
Sammy: Blimey, will you take a gander at [swings around on Moppy] all that lovely ruddy filth?
SpongeBob: What should we clean first?
Sammy: [approaches the windows] Well, I always like to start with the eyes of the eatery, that meaning [pokes the window with Moppy] the windows.
SpongeBob: Ooh. [pulls out a cloth and spray cleaner] I'm ready! [Sammy hits the cleaning supplies away with Moppy] Huh?
Sammy: You can put those away, me old mucker.
SpongeBob: But how are we gonna wash the windows?
Sammy: Well, I'll tell ya. [on a table, snaps fingers, singing] ♪ There are janitors who only clean with [holds a brush] brushes. [gets near SpongeBob and pulls out cloths and a broom from him, which he punches] Others use a rag or cloth or broom. [gets back on the table] But when all is said and done. I find it best to use me [points to his tongue] tongue. So [tips hat] excuse me while I lick this [snaps fingers to turn the lights back on] room. ♪ [moves tongue around in his mouth, then starts cleaning the Krusty Krab using his tongue]
[The window shimmers after it is cleaned.]
SpongeBob: Wow!
Sammy: Now give your tongue a go.
SpongeBob: Okay! [tries to imitate Sammy's cleaning, but gags and sticks out his tongue, which has goo on it] Blech! [spits] Yuck! Sammy, that tastes horrible. [Sammy grabs his nose and twists it into a knot] Oh!
Sammy: How 'bout now?
SpongeBob: [licks the goo from his shoe] Hmm. [smacks lips, nasal tone] Now I can't taste anything.
Sammy: If you can't smell it, you can't taste it. Back to singing. [SpongeBob hops into his lap, and they both start cleaning with their mouths again] ♪ Lick all the dirt up lickety-split. Lick all the dirt up, every bit. [SpongeBob cleans while sticking his tongue out] Lick all the windows, lick all the doors. Lick up the ceiling, lick up the floors. [they both dance with full mouths] Lick all the dirt up, that's the plan. [they both spit trash into the trash can] Spit out the dirt into the can. [they jump away and start licking again] Lick all the dirt up in the place. Lick all the dirt up off your face. ♪
SpongeBob: [licks the trash off of Sammy's face]
Sammy: [licks the trash off of SpongeBob's face]
SpongeBob: [leaps into the kitchen, followed by Sammy and Moppy]
Moppy: [barks]
SpongeBob: [holding out his tongue to clean the grill as Sammy cleans the walls] ♪ I'll never use a cloth or rag again. My tongue can now out-clean or brush or mop. ♪
Sammy: ♪ He's SpongeBob and I'm Sammy. ♪
Both: ♪ We refuse to use a shammy. We're lickin' it up and we will never [move their tongues around as the place is now clean] stop! ♪
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Sammy using their mouths to clean another room.]
Moppy: [barks, whimpers]
[A shot of the dirty bathroom is shown.]
SpongeBob: Ew.
Sammy: Yum.
Moppy: [barks]
[The trio start cleaning the bathroom, and they approach some graffiti on the stall.]
Sammy: [reading] "Krabs is cheap, Squidward smells."
SpongeBob: [gasps] It's true. Squidward smells great. But how do we get this graffiti off?
Sammy: Some stains are so tough, they need a little-a bit-a [snaps his finger to summon a can of soap] magic soap. [sprinkles the soap onto SpongeBob, who has his tongue out, then sprinkles it onto himself] One, two, graffiti, [they vanish] boo!
[SpongeBob and Sammy appear next to the graffiti as graffiti themselves. They wave their tongues around.]
SpongeBob: [licks graffiti Squidward]
Sammy: [licks graffiti Squidward]
Graffiti Squidward: [screams and flies up to graffiti Mr. Krabs to hide behind him]
SpongeBob and Sammy: [move up, hitting the text out of the way]
[Graffiti Mr. Krabs uses an arrow to swing at the duo, who run away. He and graffiti Squidward clink weapons, which they throw at SpongeBob and Sammy.]
SpongeBob and Sammy: [scream as the spears slice their tongues off] Ah! [climb the graffiti before graffiti Mr. Krabs and Squidward grab their tongues]
Graffiti Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [clink tongues] Ha-ha! [climb after SpongeBob and Sammy]
[Sammy pulls SpongeBob up onto the top of the stall, then graffiti Mr. Krabs and Squidward reach the top.]
SpongeBob and Sammy: [yelp, walking backwards as the graffiti approach them]
SpongeBob: [screams] They're gonna clean us to death-- [grabs onto Sammy] with our own tongues!
Sammy: Not necessarily. [whistles, summoning a graffiti-fied Moppy behind the graffiti]
Moppy: [howls, knocks graffiti Mr. Krabs and Squidward over]
Graffiti Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [scream, landing on a toilet paper roll]
SpongeBob and Sammy: [land on the roll and run on it to push the graffiti Mr. Krabs and Squidward into the toilet]
Sammy: Graffiti boo! [snaps fingers to turn them back to normal, and they exit the stall; flushes the toilet]
Graffiti Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [scream]
SpongeBob: [jumps] Hooray! We did it! We cleaned everything!
Sammy: Psh. I'm sure there's still more cleaning around here to do, love. Sniff out the dirt, Moppy old girl.
Moppy: [barks, sniffs along the ground, barks in Mr. Krabs' office]
Sammy: [peeking inside] Ooh! I spy [enters the room as SpongeBob peeks inside] with my little eye, this filthy room. [slurps while rubbing his hands]
SpongeBob: Oh, uh, no, no! Mr. Krabs doesn't like anybody in his office.
Sammy: I'm sure your Mr. Krabs wouldn't mind if we [swipes his finger along a wardrobe] tidied up a bit. These walls are chock-full of clutter. [inhales everything on the wall]
SpongeBob: But Sammy, that's Mr. Krabs' private property!
Sammy: [pushes SpongeBob aside with his tongue] Excuse me, lad. [begins cleaning the floor with his tongue]
SpongeBob: Sammy, we're gonna get in big trouble!
Sammy: [spots Mr. Krabs' safe] Huh! [puts his mouth on the safe to clean it]
SpongeBob: [screams] Not the safe! [Sammy opens up the safe and starts cleaning inside] No! [pulls Sammy off of the safe, leaving the bottle on his head] Not the secret formula! [takes the bottle off of Sammy's head]
Sammy: Secret formula? [pushes out the formula onto his tongue] You mean... this?
SpongeBob: [takes the paper, leaving the formula on Sammy's tongue, gasps] Sammy Suckerfish, you spit out that secret formula this instant!
Sammy: I told ya, I can't... stop... cleaning! [waves his tongue in front of SpongeBob, runs off]
SpongeBob: [chases after Sammy, who runs off while cleaning the floor] Uh, Sammy! [Moppy follows Sammy; he trips over a laser, causing an alarm to go off]
[Outside the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs parks his boat in front of the building and goes inside.]
Mr. Krabs: [holding a baseball bat] Hands up, Plankton! I got ya surrounded-- [drops bat] wha?
SpongeBob: [still chasing after Sammy] Sammy, stop it! [rolls on a barrel] Nooooooo! [falls down] Huh? [begging] Oh, Mr. Krabs, I'm so sorry. I told him to stop.
Mr. Krabs: [pushes SpongeBob aside] Step aside, boy-o. I know what's goin' on here.
Sammy: [tips hat] Evening, Gov'ner.
Mr. Krabs: [points] Take off that phony British head, Plankton. [grabs Sammy's face] You're not foolin' anyone! [pulls on Sammy's head] I know you're in there, Plankton. [opens up Sammy's mouth and goes inside, echoes] Come on, get outta there already!
SpongeBob: [covering his eyes, shivering]
Plankton: [barges in wearing sleepwear] Hey, keep it down! Some people have to steal the secret formula in the morning.
Mr. Krabs: [takes himself out of Sammy's mouth] Wait. [picks up Plankton] If he's not Plankton, then who is he?
SpongeBob: Um, he-- he's a magical janitor that licked off your safe door and the secret formula with it!
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Sammy: [sticks his tongue out to reveal the formula on it]
Mr. Krabs and Plankton: What?!
Mr. Krabs: [running into Sammy] Give that back!
Sammy: [uses his foot to push Mr. Krabs back] No worries, gents. [jumps onto the ground to clean, then gets back up] That safe is as clean as a whistle. [whistles to summon Moppy] Right, Moppy?
Moppy: [barks]
Sammy: [squeezes Moppy to split her into several tiny mop dogs] Introducing [the Moppettes jump out of the bucket] the Moppettes!
Moppettes: [cheering and barking]
Sammy: ♪ Oh, lick all the dirt up lickety-split. [Sammy and the Moppettes clean the floor] Lick all the dirt up, every bit. Lick all the windows, lick all the doors. Lick up the ceiling, lick up the floors. ♪
SpongeBob: He's still got the secret formula stuck to his tongue!
Mr. Krabs: I've gotta get the formula back.
Plankton: Me, too.
Mr. Krabs: Oh no, you don't, Sheldon. Get out!
Plankton: Hey, I've got a stake in this too, you know.
Mr. Krabs: [grunts] Okay. Temporary truce. [starts chasing after Sammy, and SpongeBob follows] Stop that tongue! [he and SpongeBob slip on some water] Wait! What? Whoa!
Sammy: [cleaning a table, looking at his reflection on it] Double time! [begins cleaning the entire interior with the Moppettes as SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs chase him] ♪ Lick all the dirt up lickety-split. Lick all the dirt up, every bit. Lick all the windows, lick all the doors. Lick up the ceiling, lick up the floors. ♪
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: [stop, scream, and jump away]
Plankton: [screams as Sammy and the Moppettes approach, who run past him and leave him as a skeleton] Not so hard!
Sammy: [gets up] ♪ Oh, lick all the dirt up-- ♪ [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs jump onto him] Oh!
SpongeBob: Sorry Sammy, but we need your tongue.
Sammy: [waving his tongue around] I told ya, I can't... stop... [hits SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs with his tongue] cleaning!
SpongeBob: [spots a smudge on Sammy's face] Uh, Sammy, you have smudges all over you.
Sammy: A smudge? On me? [slides away] Well then, I suppose it's... bath time, innit? [uses his tongue to make himself disappear besides his head]
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: [holding onto each other] The secret formula!
Sammy: That was fun, eh, Spongey? So long, and don't say I never give you nothing. [hacks, spits the formula onto SpongeBob's face] Whoops. [tosses his hat onto SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: [looks at his reflection, gasps] The formula! [fake British accent] Aw, thanks, Gov'ner.
Sammy: [winks, then licks his head to make himself disappear]
Plankton: [takes picture with the flash on] Say cheese, secret formula. [cackles as he takes the photo]
Mr. Krabs: [whistles, summoning the Moppettes]
Moppettes: [barking]
Mr. Krabs: Clean that dirty little scoundrel!
Plankton: [gets surrounded by the Moppettes] Huh? Uh-- uh, I'm just kidding. [a Moppette bites his camera apart, and another one bites the photo apart, screams and runs away]
Moppettes: [chasing after Plankton, barking]
Mr. Krabs: [as SpongeBob takes the paper from his pocket and wipes his face with it to put the formula back on it] I hope it's clear why we don't let strangers in after closing time, boy-o. [takes the formula]
SpongeBob: [walking] Yes sir, Mr. Krabs. [laughs, hits the front door] Crystal clear. [laughs as the camera irises out onto him]