Big League Bob/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Big League Bob" from season 15, which aired on July 25, 2024.

[A restaurant manager is driving on the road while on the phone.]
Restaurant manager: Yes, sir, I'm well aware that we need a new super chef [stops in front of the Krusty Krab] for the big, new stadium restaurant. [on the phone while walking inside] I found three potential candidates, and I just need one more, someone with pizzazz!
SpongeBob: [flips a patty in the kitchen, putting it all together on a plate]
Squidward: Huh? [to SpongeBob] Will you cut the pizzazz and finish the order? [grunts]
SpongeBob: [opens a pickle jar, slipping] Whoops! [hits the pickles with his spatula, jumps onto Squidward's head, and leaps into the air, grabbing a rope and catching all the ingredients with a plate; he jumps on Squidward's head again and goes back into the kitchen]
Restaurant manager: [on the phone] Listen, I gotta go.
SpongeBob: [juggling ingredients] Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! [jumps and taps his feet] Ahh!
Restaurant manager: [enters kitchen] Hey, buddy.
SpongeBob: [screams, sending the ingredients flying, then he maneuvers around to catch them all]
Restaurant manager: That's some mighty fancy cooking. Is that my order? [takes the patty and takes a bite into it, gasps]
SpongeBob: Is there anything wrong with it?
Restaurant manager: Is there anything wrong, he says. There's only everything right with it! [tosses patty] What are you doing here in this greasy dump when you could be a culinary superstar in the [eyes turn into stars] big leagues? Who's your manager? Who?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is my manager.
Mr. Krabs: [comes out of the cupboard, sending Krabby Patties flying] What's all the rumpus in here? [points] Who's this clownfish?
Restaurant manager: [holding a piece of paper up to Mr. Krabs] This clownfish is gonna make you a very wealthy crab.
Mr. Krabs: Culinary Stadium Restaurant? What's that?
Restaurant manager: It's a [a miniature version of the stadium appears above them] bold new concept. We've converted a baseball stadium into a restaurant, [the mini stadium opens up] serving thousands of food fans at the same [snaps his fingers to pop the stadium] time. [grabs SpongeBob] So, how much to take this greenhorn, this rookie, this dinghy full of holes off of your claws? Look at him. [close-up of food stains on SpongeBob's tie] Food stains on his tie. [clicks tongue] Deplorable.
SpongeBob: Huh? [licks tie] Not deplorable-- delicious!
Mr. Krabs: I could never part ways with me--
Restaurant manager: [holds up a large stack of cash, as more appears below them]
Mr. Krabs: [takes a dollar and uses it to fan himself, moaning] Oh, pardon my vapors.
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, [crying] I don't want to leave the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: [holding the stacks of cash] Yeah, far be it from me to hold you back, boy-o. By the looks of this legal tender, it's obvious you're destined [takes off SpongeBob's hat and puts it on the stack of cash] for bigger and better things. [kissing the money stack]
Restaurant manager: [picks up SpongeBob and carries him out] Let's get out of here.
Patrick: [wearing a fedora with a toothpick in his mouth] Hey, kid. Go get 'em, hotshot. Knock 'em dead. [clicks tongue]
SpongeBob: [continues trudging, then briefly stops to see that Patrick has disappeared, with only a gust of wind remaining]
Patrick: [voice only] Knock 'em dead. [clicks tongue]
SpongeBob: Huh?
[Bubble transition to the Tryouts Kitchen.]
Restaurant manager: Okay, you lowly hash slingers. [walking in front of the four contestants, including SpongeBob] This is the tryout kitchen. The four of you will compete cooking against each other. [the eel is sweating and tugs her collar] You'll be eliminated one by one [the turtle bangs his fists and grunts] until there's only one of you [SpongeBob excitedly stands in place] left standing. [the shrimp is filing the ingredients] That person and only that person will cook for the whole stadium and receive the title of [takes off fedora] super chef.
SpongeBob: [reaches out his arm long enough to poke on the restaurant manager's shoulder] What happens when you're eliminated?
Restaurant manager: You'll be [presses on a remote to turn on a monitor] selling dirty water hot dogs on the freeway.
[On the monitor, Fondue Man is seen selling hot dogs on the freeway.]
Fred: [while driving, tosses a can at Fondue Man]
Fondue Man: [gets hit in the head with another can] Oh!
SpongeBob: Looks like fun. [to the turtle] Hello. My name is SpongeBob.
Turtle: [uses a whisker to shake SpongeBob's hand] Put her there.
SpongeBob: [close-up of his now curled fingers] Curly finger fries. [laughs, then inflates his hand with his mouth, which makes him float; he pops it, falls down, then salutes]
Restaurant manager: [banging spoon in bucket] Let's go, go, go, you goofy gourmets. You got your broth, and you got your ingredients. I want to taste a soup that's unique with a flavor that's singular! Let's get [tosses bucket] cooking!
[All of the contestants except the turtle begin chopping up their ingredients. SpongeBob finishes chopping.]
Turtle: [bangs his table to send the ingredients into his pot] Thanks. [laughs] Aw, gee. Looks like you ain't got no fixin's for mix-ins. Ha-ha!
SpongeBob: [jumps onto the table] Hey, that's not fair. [the turtle hits him and turns him into an accordion, laughs] Some romantic dinner music?
Turtle: [to the eel] You know what your soup needs? A little roughage. Let me [pours nails from a box into the eel's pot] "nail" it for ya. [laughs]
Restaurant manager: [looks at his watch] Ten seconds left!
SpongeBob: Oh, what do I do? What do I do?
Restaurant manager: [from a thought cloud's flashback] Look at him. Food stains on his tie.
SpongeBob: [pops thought bubble] My tie! [dunks the food stains from his tie into the pot] Dunk, dunk.
Restaurant manager: [bangs pot with spoon, then uses his spoon to slurp some of the shrimp's soup] Hmm. Not bad.
[Several cans start rolling around near the shrimp, for which he uses his foot to push them away.]
Restaurant manager: [tries the eel's soup, then spits several nails onto the turtle's face] Nails are unacceptable! You're out! [uses a remote to make a vacuum appear above the eel]
Eel: Aw. [gets sucked in by the vacuum] Oh! [cut to her wheeling in a hot dog cart next to Fondue Man]
Fondue Man: [whimpers, waves, then gets hit with another can] Oh!
Restaurant manager: [slurping the tie's soup, walks away] Not bad. Not good, but not bad.
Turtle: [manages to smile]
Restaurant manager: [slurps SpongeBob's soup] Excellent! Light, refreshing, with just a hint of rayon! This round goes to the sponge!
SpongeBob: [a golden horseshoe wreath lands on top of him, which causes him to neigh like a horse]
Turtle: [grumbling]
Restaurant manager: Listen up, you grub guppies. The next challenge is pizza! I want a pizza that's extraordinary, unanticipated, from left field-- and no nails. [walks away; the contestants are each seen with a dough ball]
Turtle: [spits nails at the shrimp, pinning him to the wall]
Shrimp: [sighs]
Turtle: [chewing and blowing gum as SpongeBob rolls his dough] Look, buddy, I'm sorry about before. Let me make it up to you. [spits something from his mouth onto a grotesque dough ball, which he holds out to SpongeBob] I've made this special pizza dough from me old mother's recipe. I'd like you to have it.
SpongeBob: Much obliged. [takes the dough, sniffs] Mmm, minty. [begins shaping the new dough]
Turtle: Heh heh. [smashes his fist into the dough, then tosses it and places it on the ground, then walks away]
Shrimp: [at the turtle's counter] So you like nails, do you? [chuckles as he pours nails on the dough, followed by cheese]
Turtle: Huh? Stealing my cheese, huh? [grabs the shrimp by the shirt] I know just what to do with shrimps like you.
[Bubble transition to later, when the contestants except the shrimp have their pizzas ready.]
Restaurant manager: Mm, what happened to the shrimp? I guess some folks can't handle the pressure. Turtle, you're up. [eats a slice of the turtle's pizza, then spits nails out of his mouth onto the turtle] What did I say about no nails? You're out! [presses a button on his remote to suck the turtle in with a vacuum
Turtle: [as he is stuck on the vacuum, to SpongeBob] It had to be you! I'll get back at you if it's the last thing I do! [gets fully sucked in, then wheels in a hot dog cart next to the other vendors, tosses a can at Fondue Man, then gets hit with an anchor by a driver]
Eel and Fondue Man: [laugh]
Restaurant manager: Huh. [picks up the pizza] Unusual shape. [eats the entire pizza at once] Mmm. [smacks lips] Hints of mint, tropical berry, cinnamon. But what's this flavor? [blows bubblegum, which pops and frees the shrimp]
Shrimp: Oh! [falls down, in a fetal position]
Restaurant manager: [laughs] That's it. Shrimp! I love shrimp on pizza! The competition is over. Looks like you hit a home run, sponge. [kicks the counter out of the way as a trophy band lands on him] Welcome to the big leagues!
SpongeBob: [gasps, takes vegetable bouquet, eyes tearing up] Even the dreams that you've never had can come true.
[Bubble transition to the Culinary Stadium.]
Restaurant manager: [over the microphone] Welcome to the Culinary Stadium, food fans. The cooking is about to begin. Food fans, [camera pans downward to a giant silver platter] will you please give a warm welcome to our new super chef, [the platter is lifted up to reveal SpongeBob's kitchen] SpongeBob SquarePants?
[SpongeBob and the restaurant manager are seen behind the stadium.]
Restaurant manager: [grabbing SpongeBob by the hand] That's you, champ. You're on!
Patrick: [as SpongeBob walks past him] Hey, kid. Knock it out of the park. [clicks tongue]
SpongeBob: [continues walking, then looks back to see only a gust of wind remains]
Patrick: [voice only] Knock it out of the park. [clicks tongue]
SpongeBob: Huh? [shrugs] Eh. [walks onto the stadium and into the kitchen]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone] Let's cook! First up, [the mentioned objects all appear on a screen] caramelized kelp, pesto coral, and grilled chocolate algae.
SpongeBob: [chops the ingredients with his hand, which then land on three separate plates]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone, SpongeBob grabs ingredients from the fridge and throws an egg onto the pan with his foot] Oh, the rookie is off to a great start.
SpongeBob: [twirls and tosses the pizza dough with his nose]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone] He's showing excellent form. [SpongeBob uses his foot to open the oven door] Look at the arm on that kid.
SpongeBob: [places the pot into the oven]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone, SpongeBob salts the dishes] Fried sea bananas, [SpongeBob hits the counter to send the dishes flying] the gold flake breadsticks, [SpongeBob kicks the dishes to serve them to the crowd] twigs in a blanket.
Rich people: [murmuring]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone, SpongeBob pours some of the fridge's contents into a blender] Oh-ho, SpongeBob is handling all the orders like a true champion.
SpongeBob: [puts the lid on the blender and holds onto it as it activates and shoots green goop, sending him into the air]
Turtle: [holding ticking dynamite, which he places underneath a table] I told him I'd get him back. [cackles and tiptoes away]
SpongeBob: [flips back into the kitchen, eating the vegetables and spitting them back out into slices]
[The camera zooms in onto Squidward and Mr. Krabs.]
Mr. Krabs: Hmm. Why are there no tables up here?
Squidward: The tables with food are for the wealthy moneybags down below [camera pans over to the fancy fish eating the food] in the premium section.
Mr. Krabs: Hmm. We only get to watch 'em eat?
Squidward: [holds out a pair of binoculars and uses them] I know. Isn't it wonderful?
Mr. Krabs: [takes the binoculars] Give me that. [looking at SpongeBob through the binoculars]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone as SpongeBob cooks] Such skill, such agility! But can he keep up the pace? [buzzer blares]
SpongeBob: [looks up and gasps]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone] The orders are piling up for our rookie.
[The scoreboard moves quickly and catches smoke.]
Mr. Krabs: [using binoculars] Uh-oh. [looks at SpongeBob struggling to cook] Looks like our boy is in trouble.
SpongeBob: [screams as he spills food from his bowl and the oven sets on fire, then slips on the food and screams again as he is on fire; he lands in the sink full of soap]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone, the fridge dumps out all of its contents as it falls down] All food bases are loaded!
Crowd: [booing as Mr. Krabs writes on a piece of paper]
Squidward: What are you doing?
Mr. Krabs: I'm giving [crumples up the paper and turns it into a paper plane] SpongeBob an order I know he can [tosses the paper plane] win with.
Squidward: Let me guess.
Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patties.
Squidward: Typical.
SpongeBob: [the paper plane lands in his eye] Huh? [takes the paper and reads it]
Restaurant manager: [over microphone] Looks like our chef has a special order, folks.
SpongeBob: [jumps out of the food pile and begins making the patties] Whoo-hoo-hee!
Restaurant manager: Wait a minute. [SpongeBob jumps into the food pile] That doesn't look like gourmet food.
SpongeBob: [inhales, spits lettuce onto the bottom buns, then puts patties onto them with a pot and spatula] Whoo! Hey! Ha! Ha! [chops open a bag of buns, of which land on the patties] Wap! Hey! [spins around, throwing patties at the crowd]
Crowd: [eat the patties, cheer and applaud]
Referee: [blows whistle]
Restaurant manager: [as SpongeBob tosses patties] Time out! [snatches a patty] You're supposed to be cooking high-class cuisine, not fast food.
SpongeBob: [shrugs] Yeah, well, [jumps onto the counter] thanks for the opportunity, but I like it better in the Krusty leagues. [takes off his chef hat and gives it to the restaurant manager] I forfeit. [jumps off the counter]
Restaurant manager: Huh, these kids today. [walks off] No respect for the game.
[Cut to SpongeBob walking behind the stadium, and spots Patrick sitting again.]
Patrick: Hey, kid. You're blowing up big-time. Don't you hear 'em? [clicks tongue]
Crowd: [as SpongeBob looks toward the stadium] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob!
Patrick: Go out there. Take your final bow.
SpongeBob: [runs away and looks back to see Patrick gone again, with only a gust of wind left]
Patrick: [voice only] Take your final bow.
SpongeBob: [scratches head] Where the heck does he go? [runs off happily]
Patrick: [hiding, opens up a floor tile, takes back his toothpick, and closes it again]
SpongeBob: [walking onto the stadium, hops on the counter to take a bow] Yeah! Oh. [laughs] Thank you.
[The camera zooms in on the dynamite from earlier, which reaches its last second.]
SpongeBob: Thank you.
[The dynamite explodes, sending SpongeBob and his kitchen ingredients flying in the air.]
Crowd: [gasps]
Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [looking up] Huh?
Patrick: [moves to catch SpongeBob next to Mr. Krabs and Squidward]
Mr. Krabs: [puts an employee hat onto SpongeBob's head] Our boy's come back to us!
Patrick: Didn't I tell you you were blowing up?
SpongeBob: [elbows Patrick] You sure did, kid. [clicks tongue]