Slappy Daze/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Slappy Daze" from season 13, which aired on October 14, 2022.

[The episode begins with the sun nearly rising in Bikini Bottom, and then a shot of Nosferatu's castle is shown. Inside, Nosferatu and Slappy are sleeping. Just then, an alarm clock switches from day to night and howls, prompting Slappy to break it with a mallet and climb out of a cupboard he was in. His headless body in pajamas walks in to four identical Slappy heads.]
Slappy heads: Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
[Slappy picks the third one, puts it on his body, and continues on with his night, as the rest of the heads sigh in disappointment. Slappy proceeds to the bathroom, stretching. There, a sea spider sitting on top of the bath sprays him with its acid, reducing Slappy's head to his skull.]
Slappy: Oh, Esmerelda, good evening.
[Slappy removes his pajamas and enters the bath, as Esmerelda ties him with her web. Slappy then emerges from the web dressed up, exiting the bathroom and heading towards Nosferatu's coffin, holding a plate with blood in a glass and eggs.]
Slappy: [knocks on the coffin] Wakey-wakes, Master. The first blood of the day is the most important. [no one answers] Huh? Master?
[Slappy opens the coffin and gasps upon finding Nosferatu with a runny nose, sneezing and turning into a bat as he does so.]
Slappy: Oh no! You got a stuffy Nose-feratu! [rimshot]
[Nosferatu sneezes and turns back into himself again, but sneezes a second time and turns back into a bat. Just as he's about to sneeze a third time, Slappy puts him in the cage.]
Slappy: We have to get you to Dr. Calimari right away. [exits the castle on a bicycle and drives into a deformed black-and-white building as Nosferatu continues sneezing]
Dr. Calimari: Next patient?
Slappy: Salutations, Dr. Calimari. The Master has a case of the Transylvanian sniff-sniffs. Can you help?
[Nosferatu screeches at Dr. Calimari.]
Dr. Calimari: Thanks you for bringing him in, Slappy. I'll steam those allergies right out of his schnoz.
[A vampire appears from the desk holding a steaming iron, and Nosferatu screeches again.]
Dr. Calimari: Come back in two hours und pick him up.
Slappy: I'll be right back, Master. Oh, I almost forgot. [kisses Nosferatu and giggles eerily, closing the door behind him]
[Nosferatu sneezes again and turns back into himself, hypnotizing Dr. Calimari.]
Dr. Calimari: Yes, Master. I will bring you blood samples. Und cookies.
Slappy: Two hours? What am I gonna do for two whole hours? Let's find out, eh? Eh?! [drives into Bikini Bottom]
[Transition to an arcade, where Slappy roams around, noticing three kids playing a game.]
Game announcer: Get ready to Prance, Prance on Your Grave!
Slappy: Oh, I just love to prance. [starts dancing with the kids] Oh, I feel so free and loose!
[As he dances, Slappy's body parts detach from each other, kicking the kids, as his head flies into a dunk ring.]
Slappy: Hooray, I made a swish! [the other kids cheer for him]
[Transition to the Bottle Hosers attraction.]
Barker: Step right up and squirt yourself a prize!
[A girl squirts a bottle from a tiny fire hydrant and it falls down.]
Barker: We have a winner! A winner-winner! [tosses the girl a teddy bear as a prize] Step right up and squirt yourself a prize!
Slappy: Reach for the sky, bottles! [loses control of the fire hydrant as it shoots water uncontrollably]
Barker: Step right up and squi- [Slappy shoots water in his mouth as his head gets filled up with it until it explodes and the water splashes on other kids, who cheer]
Slappy: [Barker's hat falls on his head] We have another winner!
[Barker takes his hat back and throws Slappy into the set of remaining bottles. Transition to the pet store, where Slappy drives on his bicycle before abandoning it as it strikes pedestrians.]
Slappy: Oh, hello, Slippy. You look positively disgusting this evening. [laughs eerily]
Slippy: You look pretty horrifying yourself, Slappy. [both exchange laughs] What can I get you today?
Slappy: Oh, I need a can of bat food and a flea collar for the Master.
Slippy: Oh, that Master sure is lucky to have you looking out for him. [gives Slappy a bag with bat food and a flea collar]
Slappy: [blushes and giggles] What do I owe you, gruesome?
Slippy: Shh, it's on the house, stink lips. [winks at him]
Slappy: Until our eyes cross again, mon cheri.
[Slippy leans in for a kiss, until Slappy slides out of the store and SpongeBob appears.]
SpongeBob: [holding Gary] Excuse me, do you sell snail diapers?
[Slippy kisses Gary instead, as SpongeBob looks to the audience disgusted. Transition to the cemetery, where Slappy sits on the ground with a picnic basket.]
Slappy: Ah, it is always great to go on a picnic with old friends. [knocks on a grave] Oh, Mr. Ribeye! Mr. Ribeye, do you have the time?
[Mr. Ribeye's skeleton hand with a watch on it emerges from the ground, showing Slappy the time.]
Slappy: Oh, I have to pick up the Master! [sits on his bicycle] See you soon, everyone! But hopefully not too soon. [drives off as the cemetery inhabitants bid him farewell]
[Slappy arrives to Dr. Calimari's office, where many hypnotized fish are sitting, chanting "Nosferatu."]
Slappy: Dr. Calimari, I'm back.
Dr. Calimari: Nosferatu... Nosferatu...
Slappy: So tell me, doctor, is the Master cured?
Dr. Calimari: [snaps out of his hypnotized state] All better! Make sure he takes these nose drops twice a night.
Slappy: Oh, thank you, Dr. C!
Dr. Calimari: [takes out a lollipop] Who was a good vampire?
[Nosferatu takes it and sucks all the colors from it. He and Slappy exit Dr. Calimari's office as Slappy lets him out of the cage so he can stretch.]
Slappy: Oh, yes! Of course I bought you that flea collar you saw in the window.
[Nosferatu puts on the collar and starts posing.]
Slappy: Very fetching, Master. [many fleas fly out of Nosferatu as Slappy catches them and puts them on a sandwich] I'll put them in a fridge for later. [Nosferatu pats his head] Oh, you don't have to thank me, Master. You're my best friend! [Nosferatu then grabs him by the head] Yes, Master, let's go home now.
[Nosferatu puts Slappy on his bicycle.]
Slappy: First one to the castle is a filthy stinking cesspool of despair! [drives towards the castle, as Nosferatu turns into a bat and catches him, both flying towards the castle] I am soaring like a bat! Soaring!
[The moon grows a mouth and eats them both, ending the episode.]