SpongeBob's Crazy Carnival Ride/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants amusement ride "SpongeBob's Crazy Carnival Ride," which opened on March 1, 2024.

Mr. Krabs Animatronic

• Mr. Krabs: Ahoy landlubbers, and welcome to Mr. Krabs Carnival Games! [whispers] And congratulations, you're going to help me get very, very rich. So buy a ticket, and have fun! ♪ Oh, money money this, money money that, carnival games will make me wallet fat. ♪ [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: Okay money, uh, I mean people, head inside and test your skills at money! Uh, I mean me very own carnival games, where everyone can have fun, for the right price.
• Mr. Krabs: Remember: You can't win if you don't play, and if you don't play, it'll break me cold crustacean heart. You wouldn't wanna do that now, would you? So get in there and buy, buy, buy! Uh, I mean, play, play, play! [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: Come one, come all, try your hand at me very own carnival games! They're fun, they're easy, everyone's a winner! Except for the losers. [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: Woo-hoo, I'm really reeling them in today! Just look at all these potential customers bringing in that sweet sweet money!
• Mr. Krabs: Gather around everyone, here's a little diddy I worked up all by me-self. ♪ Oh.. I'm an old crustacean from Bikini Bottom, way hey, blow the man down, if you buy me patties I'll sing you a song, give me some time to blow the men down, blow the men down, ladies blow the man down, way hey, blow the man down, blow him right back to me undersea town, give me some time, to blow the man down. ♪ [laughs] Thank you, thank you, please, please, hold your applause.
• Mr. Krabs: Welcome, customers of all ages! Hurry inside to play the greatest collection of carnival games in all of Bikini Bottom! Guaranteed fun, zero refunds.
• Mr. Krabs: Don't be fooled by cheap imitations, put your trust in me: Eugene H. Krabs, proud proprietor of the Krusty Krab, the exclusive home of the one and only, Krabby Patty!
• Mr. Krabs: [?] the carnival tent, and tickets are selling faster than Krabby Patties! And if you act now, I'll even give you a 1-cent discount on your next Krabby Patty! Ehh, nope, you took too long no discounts today.
• Mr. Krabs: Reviews are in: 47 out of 50 Bikini Bottomites agree! There's no undersea games quite like Mr. Krabs Carnival Games! They're guaranteed fun, at a guaranteed fee.
• Mr. Krabs: Why I'm so excited about me carnival games, I could just sing. ♪ Oh... if I could talk to money, how great me life would be, we'd tell each other secrets, all the friends would visit me, if I could talk to money, and it could talk to me... we'd always be the best friend for all eternity! [laughs] Oh, that reminds me, it's almost time to go check me profits, I mean uh, me patrons. These carnival games won't be around forever, so get in there and start playing!
• Mr. Krabs: Hurry, hurry, step right up and have a whale of a good time with me collection of classic carnival games! Featuring your favorite games of skill: The Ring Toss, The Plate Smash, The Bubble Pop, we have it all! So don't miss out on all the fun.
• Mr. Krabs: You there, yeah, you, with a shirt, I'll make you a deal. If you head inside and play me carnival games right now, I'll give you a chance to go through a second time... by getting back in line. [laughs]

Preshow Video 1

• Mr. Krabs: Welcome, one and all to Mr. Krabs Carnival Games! [star wipe to a shot of the Krusty Krab] Presented by, the Krusty Krab. [cut to the ride's logo] While you're here in my carnival, make sure to visit our electrified collection of spectacular sideshows! [a poster appears with Larry] Be astounded by The Amazing Larry And His Stupendous Feats Of Strength, [a poster appears with Pearl] get your palms read by The Mysterious Madame Pearl: The Swimming Swami, [a poster appears with Gary] cringe at the hideous sight of Hairy Gary, [bubble wipe to a shot of the Krusty Krab] and after your done having your fill of me carnival games, swim on by the Krusty Krab, and get your hands on the patty sensation that's sweeping the ocean...
• [Star wipe to a blue screen with a Krabby Patty slowly coming closer to the screen.]
• Narrator: Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-daa Da-da-da-la-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa, tssshh Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daa-da-da-da-da-daa, Ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ta-ta-la-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-la-ba-ba-baa, Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-taa, Ti-ta-ti-li [gasps, then resumes] Ti-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ta-ti-li-ti-ta-ti-ti-ta-ti-ti-taaaaa! The Krabby Patty!
• Mr. Krabs: That's right! The Krabby Patty! The most invigorating, heart-stopping, taste bud-tingling delight in all of Bikini Bottom! And it's only available at the Krusty Krab. [camera zooms into the Krusty Krab] Each Krabby Patty is artisinally hand-crafted, and assembled by one of our dedicated fry cooks. [several Employee of the Month posters with SpongeBob appear; followed by an Employee of the Day poster with Squidward] We start with a fresh patty, grilled and juicy. Add some crisp undersea veggies. Topped off with some buns. And of course, no Krabby Patty would be complete without the proprietary, highly classified, secret formuler! Voila! A Krabby Patty! My eyes salivate at the thought of all that money! Uh, I mean all those Krabby Patties. [cut to the ride's logo] So get a move on! Me carnival games are just around the corner!

Preshow Video 2

• [SpongeBob and Patrick's silhouettes are seen pushing a box]
• SpongeBob: Everything good over here Patrick?
• Patrick: Yep! It's all in boxes SpongeBob!
• [SpongeBob lifts the screen up]
• SpongeBob: Eep! Patrick! People are already in line! We gotta hurry and get this gaming stuff unpacked! [opens box, then gasps] Sea tomatoes? [opens another box] Burger buns? [opens another box] Frozen patties?! Patrick this isn't carnival game equipment! These are all ingredients for delicious Krabby Patties!
• Patrick: Oh wow. I was wondering why all these crates smelled so good.
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is gonna be so angry!
• Squidward: Stop clowning around you two! Mr. Krabs needs to get these carnival games up and running, pronto!
• Patrick: It's too bad we can't just use this stuff. [eats a tomato]
• SpongeBob: Patrick your genius is showing!
• Patrick: [screams] Oh no!
• SpongeBob: No! I mean we can just use these Krabby Patty ingredients for the games instead!
• Patrick: Oh yeah! Smart!
• SpongeBob: Now let's get this stuff unpacked.
• [SpongeBob lowers the screen and helps Patrick move the box off-screen]

Preshow Video 3

• Mr. Krabs: Hello again. It's your ol' pal Mr. Krabs! With just a few announc-ifications. [?] all you have to do is just pl...
• [static]
• Plankton: Ha! Those nitwits are using Krabby Patty ingredients for Krabs' carnival games! Now's my chance to finally learn the Krabby Patty formula and put Krabs' precious restaurant out of business once and for all! [evil laugh]
• [static]
• Mr. Krabs: If you just follow those eight simple steps, you'll become a high-score champion in no time! [star wipe]

Ride

• Plankton: All I need is a few ingredients and the Krabby Patty secret formula will finally be mine! Ha-ha yeah!
• [enters first room]
• SpongeBob: Step right up, and get ready for a turn at the bubble pop! Just point your pointers at the bubbles and start popping! Every hit earns you more points!
• [riders begin firing buns at the bubbles]
• SpongeBob: Looks like you got the right idea! Pop! Pop! Pop! Uh, is this thing loaded? [grunts as he fires buns onto his eyes] I'll take that as a yes. [sneezes] Wow, some of you are really good at missing those bubbles.
• [bubbles begin to disappear]
• SpongeBob: Great job everyone! Now head over to my pal Squidward at the basketball toss. See ya later!
• [enters second room]
• Squidward: Welcome to the basketball toss. Shoot hoops for fun and prizes. Whatever.
• [riders fire tomatoes at the hoops; Plankton appears and attempt to steal them]
• Plankton: Aha! [laughs] Oof!
• [tomato hits Plankton]
• Squidward: Pick up the pace.
• Plankton: Woah, woah! Wop, wop, wop, wop! [screams]
• [hoops stop moving]
• Squidward: Fair warning. Patrick's hosting the next game. Now scram!
• [enters third room]
• Patrick: Hey there! Ready to smash some plates? Here we go!
• [riders fire patties at the plates]
• Patrick: [laughs] Yeah! Break those plates. Smash! Smash! [laughs]
• [stomach gurgling]
• Patrick: Oh, all these frozen patties are making me hungry. [eats blaster and gets shocked] Nope. Still hungry. SpongeBob!
• Plankton: Now's my chance. [sneaks onto conveyer belt] Come to papa! [plate falls] Uh oh. Woah! [screams]
• [enters fourth room]
• SpongeBob: [runs onscreen panting] Hi again! It's the onion ring toss! Toss the...oh you get the picture right?
• [riders fire onions at the corals]
• SpongeBob: [sniffs] Ah, I love onions. [cries]
• [SpongeBob runs off crying; Plankton appears wearing a jetpack
• Plankton: Just one little ring. [onion hits Plankton] Ow! Hey! Whose side are you on, anyway?! Oof! Not again!
• [SpongeBob returns with Patrick]
• SpongeBob: [blows nose]
• Patrick: What's wrong SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: [crying]] I just...[sniff] love onions.
• Patrick: I know. All this food is making me so hungry!
• SpongeBob: [gasps] That gives me an idea for a new game! Follow me!
• Patrick: Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!
• [enters fifth room]
• SpongeBob: [hums the Closing Theme] All righty Patrick. A whole bunch of Krabby Patties coming right up. [ding] They're ready! They're ready! Now presenting in the center ring! It's time to "Feed Patrick!"
• [riders begin firing Krabby Patties at Patrick]
• Patrick: Feed Patrick. Feed Patrick! [laughs]
• SpongeBob: [holds out jellyfish nets with Patrick mouths attached] More Patricks over here!
• Patrick: More! More! [laughs]
• SpongeBob: He's still hungry!
• [Patrick starts bouncing on a trampoline]
• Plankton: [laughs]
• Patrick: Woo-hoo! [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: STOP!
• [Patrick crashes on top of SpongeBob]
• Mr. Krabs: What do you boys think you're doing?! All those Krabby Patties are costing me money!
• Plankton: Oh it's better than that Krabs! Once I get this Krabby Patty back to my lab, nothing will stop me from learning the secret formula! [laughs]
• [enters sixth room]
• Plankton: You'll never catch me coppers! [escapes]
• Mr. Krabs: No, no, no! Don't let him get away!
• [Plankton speeds through Downtown Bikini Bottom and off a construction ramp]
• Plankton: [laughs] Woah!
• [enters The Chum Bucket]
• Plankton: Come on baby. Come on!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick crash in on the Patty Wagon]
• SpongeBob: Take out the lab! Hurry!
• [riders fire pickles at the formula analyzer]
• Patrick: Smash it! Smash it! Smash it!
• Plankton: My lab! Not my beautiful lab! Oh why! [cries]
• [gas fills the lab; enters final room]
• French Narrator: Eleven minutes later...
• [curtain opens; Plankton is now in a jail box]
• Mr. Krabs: Well done everyone. You stopped Plankton, and saved me restaurant.
• SpongeBob: Hooray!
• Patrick: Hooray!
• Mr. Krabs: Now let's see how you did on me carnival games. [riders are shown their scores] Ooh, not too shabby.
• Squidward: I've seen better.
• Mr. Krabs: Now to celebrate, why not head on over to The Krusty Krab, and buy some delicious Krabby Patties!
• SpongeBob: Uh, Mr. Krabs? We can't make anymore Krabby Patties. We used all the ingredients for these games.
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps] SPONGEBOB!
• SpongeBob: Run Patrick! [runs off-screen]
• Mr. Krabs: Get back here you two! [curtain closes]
• [re-enters loading platfom]