The Night Patty/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Night Patty" from season 11, which aired on October 21, 2018.

[The episode begins at Glove World during the night. The park's lights turn off.]
Park employee: Beat it, we're closed! [kicks SpongeBob and Patrick out]
SpongeBob: Whoa, there is nothing better than spending 18 hours at Glove World, even if my feet are a bit tired. [his toes snore]
Patrick: Mine are hungry. [his feet grumble]
SpongeBob: [sighs] Too bad the Krusty Krab doesn't stay open this late.
Patrick: [goofily slaps SpongeBob and points to the Krusty Krab] Of course it does! See?
SpongeBob: Huh? Mr. Krabs never mentioned we had a night shift.
[SpongeBob and Patrick run over to the restaurant and enter through the doors. However, what they see inside is not something he normally sees everyday.]
SpongeBob: Huh?
[Inside the restaurant, there are creepy sea creatures who came from Rock Bottom and monsters that no one has ever seen before.]
Creepy sea creatures: Patrick!
Patrick: Hi, guys!
SpongeBob: You sure are popular.
Patrick: I come here every night.
[SpongeBob turns and sees a blue creature. It opens its mouth and its tongue laughs at him. SpongeBob screams and runs over to Patrick. He clings onto Patrick's back. A sea anemone swallows a customer and spits him out in skeleton form.]
Jennifer: Hi, Patrick.
Chuck: Long time no see, man.
Patrick: Hi, Jennifer. Hi, Chuck.
[Chuck slurps on a soda. SpongeBob is completely scared at what he's seeing. He tries to tiptoe out, but bumps into an invisible man.]
Invisible Stan: Good evening.
SpongeBob: Whoa!
[A crab-like monster sneaks up behind SpongeBob with a plate of food.]
Maitre'd: Amuse-bouche, sir? Isopod fillets sprinkled with polyps on a bed of seagrass, drizzled with coral slime and just a soupçon of algae. [pops his lips]
Invisible Stan: Don't mind if I do. [takes a sample and eats it] Mmm. Mmm, mmm, not bad. [passes gas] Pardon me.
[SpongeBob jumps backwards and gets impaled by a claw from a spider creature]
SpongeBob: Oh, hey.
Spider creature: Sorry, buddy. [shakes SpongeBob off and plops him down]
SpongeBob: The night shift certainly attracts a different crowd.
Patrick: Come over here, SpongeBob. I want you to meet someone. SpongeBob, this is Squidabeth.
SpongeBob: Huh?
[Patrick shows Squidabeth to SpongeBob, who looks a little bit like Squidward, but a lot more nicer and well-meaning to everyone.]
Squidabeth: Good to meet you, Mr. Bob. [jumps into the register boat]
SpongeBob: Oh, a pleasure mademoiselle.
Squidabeth: [giggles] Ain't you a little charmer? [pinches SpongeBob's cheek]
SpongeBob: [laughs] Yeah, I am.
Squidabeth: [accidentally rips SpongeBob's cheek off] What you fixin' to have, honey child?
SpongeBob: One Krabby Patty, please?
Squidabeth: A Krabby what? We ain't got none of those, hon.
SpongeBob: You don't serve [cringes] Krabby Patties?
Squidabeth: But we got lots of other tasty vittles. [pulls down the menu]
SpongeBob: [reading the menu] "Howling rings, sucker shakes, boo-gers, crawly fries?"
Patrick: [holds up some money] Give us the works!
Squidabeth: One great Pacific garbage patch!
Barry Blobfish: Order up! [hands Squidabeth Patrick's order]
Patrick: Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. [Squidabeth serves Patrick his order] You gotta try a sucker shake. [gives SpongeBob the sucker shake and slurps his own; the shake pops out of the cup and sucks on his face; Patrick sucks the shake and swallows it] Ah, drink up, buddy!
SpongeBob: I'm—
[SpongeBob's sucker shake pops out of his cup. SpongeBob hides behind Patrick and the shake flies into the invisible man's mouth. He drinks it and swallows it.]
Invisible Stan: Yum.
[The sucker shake screams inside the invisible man's stomach.]
Patrick: The howling rings are a scream. [eats some howling rings and howls like a wolf]
[SpongeBob tries some of the howling rings and howls like a wolf as well. They chew on the rings and swallow.]
SpongeBob: A little different, but I like it. Give the chef my compliments.
Squidabeth: Why, tell him yourself, sweetie. You got a visitor!
Barry Blobfish: Come on back!
[SpongeBob and Patrick enter the kitchen and meet a blobfish creature who is cooking the meals.]
Barry Blobfish: Hey there, night feeders. Name's Barry Blobfish. Good to know ya.
SpongeBob: Good to meet you, Barry. I'm SpongeBob. [crushes Barry's hand by accident]
Barry Blobfish: Yikes! [groans] Oh, that's my cooking hand.
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry. Used my spatula arm. [shows off his muscular arm]
[Suddenly, the restaurant begins to shake.]
Squidabeth: Night train!
[The engine and its night train arrive in, delivering a long line of customers.]
Barry Blobfish: Oh, no, the midnight rush. What am I gonna do? Oh, if only there was a fry cook in the house.
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm a certified fry cook! [takes out his wallet and shows Barry his license]
Barry Blobfish: Oh, let's see. I'd have to clear it with the night manager. Hey, boss, can this little fella here take over my shift tonight?
[The cooler opens and Barry's boss is revealed to be none other than Nosferatu.]
SpongeBob: Nosferatu?
[Nosferatu grabs SpongeBob and examines him. He takes out a straw and sucks him dry. He gives Barry a thumbs up.]
Barry Blobfish: You got the job, kid. [puts his hat on SpongeBob's head]
SpongeBob: Hooray!
Barry Blobfish: Whew. Now I can pass out in peace. [groans and passes out]
Patrick: Invisible Stan, let's get him to a hospital. [he and Invisible Stan carry Barry out] Wounded fry cook coming through!
Squidabeth: Hey get your grill in gear! The crowd's getting restless!
SpongeBob: Uh, yes, ma'am!
[Nosferatu goes back into the cooler.]
SpongeBob: Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. [throws a pile of patties on the grill] They are gonna love this. [flips the patties with two spatulas and comes out with a plate full of Krabby Patties] Here, try a sample from the daytime menu.
[All of the creepy creatures grabs the Krabby Patties and goes to eat them. At first, things are going fine until they started to spit them out. It appears that none of the creatures like Krabby Patties at all.]
Squidabeth: What the devilish did you make?
SpongeBob: Well, Krabby Patties, of course.
Squidabeth: [gags] You tryin' to poison us?! [the customers throw their patties at SpongeBob] Quit fooling around and cook up something edible!
[SpongeBob pops out of the pile and spits the patties out from his eyes.]
SpongeBob: [distraught] That's impossible. [gets pushed back in the kitchen by Squidabeth] Everyone loves Krabby Patties. What kind of a weird upside-down place is this?
Squidabeth: [throws the pile of patties on the grill] And no more of that daytime slop!
SpongeBob: Krabby Patties aren't slop. [a patty slides down the grill and SpongeBob goes over to the cooler] Got to be something they like in here. [pulls out Nosferatu] No. [pulls out a robot similar to Sandy's robot from "What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?"] No. [pulls out a statue similar to the statue from "Are You Happy Now?"] No. [pulls out the heart man] No. [pulls out Spongy Spongy frozen in an ice block] No. [sniffs and sees the grill burning the Krabby Patties] Huh? Oh, no!
[SpongeBob goes to put the patties out, but gets blasted away by the flames. The Krabby Patties are now completely burned and are reduced to ashes. The patties are now transcended into smoke. Squidabeth comes in to see what was the noise and sees the smoke-shaped patties floating over the grill.]
Squidabeth: Oh, now, lookie here. Night patties! Now you're getting the swing of it.
SpongeBob: N-N-Night patties?
Squidabeth: Order up, people!
Creepy sea creatures: All right, Night Patties. Tasty. [they each grab a Night Patty and start to eat them]
Unnamed creature: [eats a Night Patty and ghostly smoke steams out from his nostrils] Smooth.
[One creature eats the Night Patty and ghostly smoke steams out from his head. SpongeBob tries a Night Patty and ghostly smoke steams out from his holes.]
SpongeBob: Smoky.
Creepy sea creatures: [run over to SpongeBob and lift him up] Hooray! Yeah! Hip, hip, hooray!
[Soon, everyone is enjoying the Night Patties SpongeBob made. Then all of a sudden, a ghostly fisherman bursts through the front door.]
Fisherman: Everybody down on the floor!
Angler fish: It's the Fisherman!
[The creepy creatures scream and hide under the tables.]
Two creatures: No, not the Fisherman!
Fisherman: Now hand over the moola.
[The creatures do exactly what the Fisherman says and drops money in his net. Squidabeth opens the cash register and the Fisherman takes the money. The Fisherman heads for the door until SpongeBob takes notice of him.]
SpongeBob: Well, good evening, sir. Welcome to the Krusty Krab.
Fisherman: Give me all your money!
SpongeBob: Well, I'm always glad to help a fellow out with a loan. [takes his wallet out and goes to give money to the Fisherman]
Fisherman: Loan? I don't want a loan. I'm the Fisherman! I'm robbing the place.
SpongeBob: Well, that is downright unfriendly. I'm putting you under fry cook's arrest. [holds out his license and onion ring handcuffs]
Fisherman: Huh? [holds out his fishing pole] Oh, really? [laughs]
[The Fisherman throws his line and hooks SpongeBob by the pants. He then begins to reel him in like catching a fish. SpongeBob grabs onto a table and holds on for life. SpongeBob is then pulled back by the fishing line, but grabs another table. The Fisherman cackles and is about to catch SpongeBob with his line. But SpongeBob uses all his strength to pull himself forward.]
SpongeBob: Not so fast. [grabs the line and ties it to the table]
[SpongeBob takes the line and tangles it up around every table. SpongeBob jumps through the window and pulls the fishing line forward. The Fisherman gets pulled into the kitchen and is dumped into the fryer.]
SpongeBob: Well, looks like the hook is on the other fin now, huh?
[The Fisherman is deep fried into a fish stick. SpongeBob comes out with the Fisherman completely fried to a crisp.]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, my friends. I have captured the evil doer.
Creepy sea creatures: Hey, leave him alone! [yelling]
Squidabeth: Just what do you think you're doing?
SpongeBob: Uh, catching a criminal.
Squidabeth: He's no criminal. He works here.
[The Fisherman grumbles at SpongeBob.]
Creature #1: He robs us every night.
Creature #2: [hatches from an egg] It's a night shift tradition.
SpongeBob: [nervously] Oh, a night shift tradition. [clears throat] Heh, heh, oops. Sorry about that, Mr. Fisherman, sir. [sets the Fisherman down and tears the fried coating off him]
Fisherman: No worries, little yellow thing. [winks] You got some mean fishing skills. Respect.
SpongeBob: Oh. [giggles] You're not so bad yourself. [fist bumps the Fisherman's hook]
Fisherman: [grabs SpongeBob and holds him up] Attention, let's welcome our newest member of the night shift. [whispers] What's your name again?
SpongeBob: [whispers] SpongeBob SquarePants.
Fisherman: SquareBob SpongePants!
SpongeBob: Okay, close enough.
Fisherman: [holds up a pile of money] A round of Night Patties for everyone! I'm buying!
[All of the creepy creatures cheer. The scene changes to the foghorn sounding off at dawn. The Krusty Krab night shift sign turns off.]
Squidabeth: Quittin' time!
SpongeBob: Oh, already? [takes off his hat and puts it on the coat rack]
[Squidabeth and the Fisherman put their apron and fishing pole on the coat rack as well.]
Barry Blobfish: [comes back with a cast around his arm] I'm back!
SpongeBob: Barry!
Barry Blobfish: Thanks for helping out, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Oh, it was nothing. [he gets in a group hug with the Fisherman, Squidabeth, and Barry Blobfish] Oh, I'm gonna miss you guys.
[Nosferatu joins in the group hug and everyone laughs.]
Squidabeth: Come and visit us again soon, honey.
Fisherman: We're here every night.
[Squidabeth, Barry Blobfish, Nosferatu, and the Fisherman exit the restaurant and disappear in a misty fog. Moments later, Mr. Krabs appears.]
SpongeBob: [confused] Huh, huh, huh? [rubs his eyes]
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing here so early, boy-o?
SpongeBob: Oh, I was helping out on the night shift.
Mr. Krabs: Night shift, hmm? We don't have a night shift. Hmm, [pats SpongeBob's head] must have been a bad dream, kiddo.
SpongeBob: Huh? Gee, guess I must have been sleep-working.
Mr. Krabs: Well, I ain't sleep-paying you. So, get to wakey-working! [goes into his office]
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. [sighs as he sits on a chair and gets poked by something] Yow! [howls in pain and sees a fish hook in his buttocks] A fish hook?
[The entire scene changes into a spiraling hypnosis screen.]
French Narrator: Case history of a fry cook who wanted a late night snack but ended up in the fry vat of doubt. [Barry Blobfish, Squidabeth, and Nosferatu fly through the void] Mr. SquarePants will never know he has worked a shift in "The Tidal Zone."
[The engine and its night train run through "The Tidal Zone" and Patrick is riding in it. It turns out that all of the characters that SpongeBob met during the Krusty Krab's supposed night shift are just illusions created by "The Tidal Zone." Even Patrick, who supposedly likes the night shift, is an illusion too. Meaning that the Patrick that SpongeBob was with was not the real Patrick.]
Patrick: I'd like five Night Patties to go, please.
[Iris out as the episode ends.]