Who's Afraid of Mr. Snippers?/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Who's Afraid of Mr. Snippers?" from season 15, which aired on June 13, 2025.

[The episode opens up with a shot of the Chum Bucket.]
Plankton: It's almost ready, Karen! [cut to a close-up of chum] Any minute now! [a bubble pops, and Plankton gasps] There it is! Did you see that, Karen?
Karen: [while reading Love.exe, shows photo of Albert Einstein sticking out his tongue on her screen and turns the page] Don't you have anything better to do?
Plankton: Like what? We haven't had a customer in months!
[Squidward, in a trench coat and hat, enters the Chum Bucket.]
Plankton: Karen? What is that?
Karen: I think it's a... customer!
Plankton: What should I do?
Karen: Ask him if he wants to order something.
Plankton: Sounds unlikely. But I'll try. [hops over to the table the customer is sitting at] Hello sir! You don't actually want to order anything, do you?
Squidward: Do you have any food without chum?
Plankton: No we do not!
Squidward: [sighs] Well, I'll just have a cup of coffee. There's no chum in coffee, right?
Plankton: Oh, no, no. Of course not. [flashes to coffeemaker filled with chum]
[Squidward takes off his hat, revealing himself.]
Plankton: Squidward? What are you doing here? Spyin' for Krabs?
Squidward: Do you really think I'm here to steal your secret chum formula?
Plankton: Good point. Then why are you here?
Squidward: [takes out a typewriter and puts it on the table] I needed a nice, quiet place that's completely devoid of life- [shot of empty Chum Bucket] -to finish writing my stage play.
Plankton: A play, huh? What's it about?
Squidward: It tells a story of a handsome and talented artist, [imagination scene where Squidward is locked in a dungeon] who struggles against his evil employer, an angry, uncouth crab named... Mr. Snippers.
[Squidward snaps his hands like claws.]
Squidward: I have the beginning worked out, but I just can't figure out the ending.
Plankton: What a coincidence! I happen to be writing a play too. [imagination scene where Plankton is a vendor at a chum shop] It's about a big angry crab- [the crab stomps on the shop, destroying it] -who torments the nice, innocent shopkeeper.
[Plankton snaps his hands like claws.]
Plankton: But I only have the ending.
[The dust from both of their scripts causes them to sneeze. The papers fly up into the air, then fall and stack perfectly together to form a complete script.]
Squidward: It's beautiful. This is destiny! We must put on our play, together!
Plankton: Luckily, I've already built a stage.
[Plankton presses a button on the table, and the two are ejected from the table as it forms into a stage, and into the stands.]
Squidward: [gasps] Not bad. But we simply have to change the color of this curtain. [pulls out a red cloth] To this lovely shade of scarlet for instance.
Plankton: P.U., [pulls out another red cloth] it should be crimson, not scarlet.
Squidward: That's hideous!
Plankton: Your nose is hideous!
Karen: Sounds like you two need a director.
Squidward: Excellent idea. Of course, I'm the obvious choice for director.
Plankton: Oh please, I love bossing people around, I should be the director!
Squidward: Yeah, if we want it ruined!
Plankton: Cretin!
Squidward: Jerk!
Karen: [pushes them apart] Enough! Since you two can't agree on anything, I'll be the director.
Plankton and Squidward: Grrr!
[Bubble transition to the stage.]
Karen: Now, in this scene, Mr. Snippers is berating his employees as they row a Roman galley.
Squidward: [walks onto the stage from behind the curtain, wears cardboard crab eyes on his head] Ahem. Get back to work- [checks script] you lazy-
Plankton: [wears inflatable crab eyes on his head] Back to work, you lazy-!
Squidward: Hold it! I think there's been a mistake. I am playing Mr. Snippers.
Plankton: What are you talking about? I'm perfect for the role of Mr. Snippers! And everyone knows the villain is the best part.
Karen: Ah! There's only one way to settle this. You'll both have to audition.
Squidward: If I must. I will say, I am not accustomed to reading for my roles anymore. I shall read from a medley of classics. [puts on a yellow tablecloth on his head, recites a modified line from Romeo and Juliet] Ahem. Clameo, Clameo, wherefore art thou, Clameo?
Plankton: [recites a line from Julius Caesar] Friends, Romans, countrymen! Lend me your ears! [takes out a photorealistic human ear]
Squidward: [steps on Plankton, wears a wig, recites a modified line from A Streetcar Named Desire] I have always relied on the idiocy of strangers.
[Plankton falls and crushes Squidward with a bag.]
Plankton: [recites a modified line from On the Waterfront] I coulda had Krabby Patties, I coulda had the formula, instead of chum, which is all I have.
Squidward: [coughs] Oh, what a ham!
Plankton: You're the one chewing the scenery.
Both: Grrr!
Karen: Hold it! I've made my choice. The role of Mr. Snippers goes to... neither of you! We'll cast someone else to play Mr. Snippers.
Plankton: Oh yeah? Where are you gonna find an actor who will follow orders, and is dumb enough to do it for free?
[SpongeBob enters the Chum Bucket with a map.]
SpongeBob: Is this where I catch the bus to Clam Francisco? Oops, Mr. Krabs did warn me. [turns into Mr. Krabs] Never make three left turns at the Barg'N-Mart, boyo! [laughs like Mr. Krabs]
Karen: We've found our Mr. Snippers.
[Plankton and Squidward sigh. Bubble transition to SpongeBob on the stage.]
Karen: Now SpongeBob, you'll be playing the villain!
SpongeBob: Ooh! Everyone knows the villain is the best part.
[Plankton and Squidward both growl.]
Karen: Let's pick it up from page 56.
SpongeBob: Arr! Get-eth to work-eth! [bangs on a trashcan with drumsticks] Or I'm gonna giveth of you a boop on your cutesy nose-eth! [boops Squidward] Boop!
Karen: No, no, no! Like this! Get-eth to work! Or I'll clobber-eth thou! And then, you hit 'em with your drumsticks!
Plankton: Yeah, like this! [grabs the drumstick from SpongeBob, pulling his arm along with it, then smacks Squidward with hit]
Squidward: Ow! No, no, like this! [pulls the other drumstick and arm from SpongeBob] Harder!
[The two repeatedly hit each other with the drumsticks.]
Karen: SpongeBob, what's the matter? Why aren't you following the script?
SpongeBob: Don't you think Mr. Snippers is too mean?
Karen: It's just a play. And in a play, if you don't read the lines, you'll be doing a bad job. You wanna do a good job, don't you, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
Karen: Now do some good acting! Act boy, act! [throws a bone to SpongeBob, and he eats it]
SpongeBob: [regrows his arms with the drumsticks, then bangs on the trash can] Get-eth to work-eth or I'll clobber-eth thee! [clobbers Squidward and Plankton]
Plankton: By Neptune, I think he's got it. [Squidward falls over]
[Bubble transition to the night of the play. Attendees are standing outside the Chum Bucket and Plankton and Squidward are taking tickets. Fred hands the money to Plankton.]
Plankton: Thank you, enjoy the show! [to Squidward] Do you think Krabs will show up to his humiliation?
Squidward: Oh, he'll be here. I sent him a free ticket! [laughs]
Mr. Krabs: [starts cutting through the line] Outta the way! Comin' through! VIP here!
Plankton: Eugene! Oh, so glad you could make it!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah. This free play better be worth the money.
Squidward: Don't worry. You'll get everything that's coming to you.
Mr. Krabs: What was that?
Squidward: Right this way, sir. [leads Mr. Krabs into the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: Huh? [hops in front of the door and reads the poster] Who's Afraid of Mr. Snippers...written by Squidward Tentacles? [pulls out a magnifying glass] and also Sheldon J. Plankton? I should get top billing! No one stands taller than Sheldon J.- [gets stepped on] ...Plankton.
[Bubble transition to the inside of the Chum Bucket, where the play is about to start.]
Karen: [lowers the Mr. Snippers costume onto SpongeBob and opens the curtain, revealing Mr. Snippers, Plankton, and Squidward on a Roman galley]
Mr. Snippers: Get-eth to work-eth, thou-est are laziest of fools-eth. [bangs on Plankton and Squidward's heads] Arrgh!
Plankton: I saw that poster, outside, Squidward. [hit by drumstick] Ouch.
Squidward: Oh, did you like it? [hit by drumstick] Oof!
Plankton: No! For one thing, it should read Plankton... and Squidward. [hit by drumstick] Aah!
Squidward: Oh, puh-lease, I did most of the writing! [hit by drumstick] Ow!
Mr. Snippers: Why-est art thou not work-ething?
Mr. Krabs: As much as I like to see Plankton and Squidward get what's coming to them, I think this Mr. Snippers character is a real jerk.
[Mr. Snippers repeatedly bangs on Plankton and Squidward's heads.]
SpongeBob: Phew, being a villain is hard work.
Plankton: [yelling at Squidward] Credit hog!
Squidward: Washed up hack!
Plankton: Hack?! All right, that's it! [jumps into Squidward's clothes]
Squidward: Get off me! He's in my toga!
Plankton: [bites Squidward]
Squidward: Oww! [pulls Plankton out of his clothes by the antennae]
Plankton: Ouch! Let go!
Squidward: As you wish-eth. [throws Plankton as far as he can]
Karen: Ugh, actors. They love improv.
Plankton: [lands, recites a modified line from Hamlet] To maim or not to maim, that is the question! [jumps toward Squidward]
[The audience starts cheering as Plankton fights back against Squidward, pulling his nose.]
Audience member: Hit him! Hit him harder!
Mr. Snippers: [hits both Squidward and Plankton] Stop this madness!
[The audience grumbles.]
Mr. Snippers: [a spotlight shines on him] Let us not fight. Are we not all creatures of the sea? [spotlight shines on Squidward and Plankton] The truth is, you're both more alike than you are different. I'm sure deep down, you actually [his irises turn into red hearts] love each other.
[The audience starts tearing up then cheers.]
Squidward: Why that little scene-stealer.
Plankton: We do not love each other!
Squidward: But we do agree on one thing.
[They shake hands.]
Mr. Snippers: [gasps]
[Squidward and Plankton start hitting Mr. Snippers with the drumsticks.]
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, get him boys! Take that tyrant Mr. Snippers down! Woo-hoo!
Mr, Snippers: [back to SpongeBob's voice] I'm just happy to see you two getting along. [giggles] Hey, that tickles!
Mr. Krabs: Amazing! [gets up from his seat] What an emotional roller coaster! [walks on stage] Hey, who wants to go to the after party, at the Krusty Krab?
[The audience cheers and starts leaving the stands.]
Mr. Krabs: [quietly] After party prices are double. Squidward, you're running the register. [yelling] Get to work you lazy bum! That's what Mr. Snippers would say. Ain't it? [walks off laughing to himself]
Squidward: [recites a line from Romeo and Juliet] Good night, good night. [curtain falls on him]
Plankton: [recites a line from Romeo and Juliet] Parting is such sweet sorrow.
[The screen irises out on Squidward and Plankton, ending the episode.]