My Father the Boat/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "My Father the Boat" from season 15, which aired on June 6, 2025.

[The episode opens with Mr. Krabs relaxing on his recliner with dollar bills covering his eyestalks. He blissfully exhales before being awoken by loud stomping.]
Mr. Krabs: Get away from me money!
Pearl: [stomps into the room] Daddy! Daddy! [Mr. Krabs sips his drink] I finally figured out what you can get me for my birthday next week! I found the perfect boat for you to buy me.
[Mr. Krabs tenses up and chokes his straw.]
Mr. Krabs: Boooat? I never said I'd buy you a birthday boat!
[Pearl holds out a tape recorder.]
Mr. Krabs: [in the recording] Pearl! If ya stop playing that earsplitting music, I'll buy ya a new boat for your birthday! ...You're not recording me are ya? [Pearl stops the tape recorder]
Pearl: [shoves poster of a boat in Mr. Krabs' face] It's the only boat for me and it's only ten thousand clams! [the color drains from Mr. Krabs' face] T-t-t-t-ten [neck snaps] t-t-t-thousand? [his pupils turn to dollar signs]
Pearl: [starts cheering] Gonna get a new boat! I'm not bratty! A birthday boat from my daddy! [Pearl hugs Mr. Krabs and jumps up and down with him]
Mr. Krabs: [whining] Me and my big mouth.
[Bubble transition to a shot of a shiny new boat.]
Mr. Krabs: There it is SpongeBob! Me daughter's birthday boat!
SpongeBob: I love it!
Mr. Krabs: Not the brochure. [SpongeBob pulls the brochure away from the camera, revealing a broken down boat]
SpongeBob: Ooh! Nice fixer-upper! [nudges Mr. Krabs] But why didn't you just buy a new boat?
Mr. Krabs: Because I'm not payin' ten thousand clams for a new boat. [pats SpongeBob] You're gonna help me fix up this boat so it's as good as the brochure boat. Pearl'll never know the difference.
[An exasperated gasp is heard as the door of the boat falls off.]
SpongeBob: This may take a while.
French Narrator: One "a while" later...
[It is now nighttime, and Mr. Krabs is using SpongeBob to polish the boat.]
SpongeBob: Zowie, this boat looks like it cost a million clams! [the boat starts sparkling]
Mr. Krabs: Well at least on the outside. [opens the hood to reveal a barren interior] Now we just gotta find an engine before Pearl wakes up.
[Pearl's alarm clock rings and it abruptly changes to day.]
Pearl: My birthday! [laughs and starts to make the house bounce]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] We gotta hide! Pearl's a-comin' boyo!
[Mr. Krabs gets inside the boat's engine while SpongeBob hides behind a plant. Mr. Krabs then grabs SpongeBob into the boat with him.]
Pearl: [bursts through the front door] Time to get a new boat! I'm not bratty! A birthday boat, from my daddy! B-O-A-T! [sees the boat and is amazed] Boat?
[The camera captures several up-close shots of the boat.]
Pearl: [gasps in awe] It's the boat that I wanted! [cries] I love my daddy!
[Mr. Krabs smiles as tears seep through into the engine.]
Pearl: [continues to cry then quickly stops] I'll take a test drive, that's the stuff! I'll be back before Daddy wakes up. [hops into the boat]
SpongeBob: She can't drive a boat with no engine! Hey! Pear-!
Mr. Krabs: [quickly covers SpongeBob's mouth] Be quiet! She can't find out this is a piece of junk!
SpongeBob: [his mouth pops out between Mr. Krabs' claws] But how will we do that?
Mr. Krabs: Fake it! We'll be the engine.
[Pearl inserts the key into the boat, poking Mr. Krabs' eye. Mr. Krabs nudges SpongeBob and the two start making engine noises. Pearl pushes a pedal, hitting Mr. Krabs. The boat starts to roll forward onto the open road.]
Pearl: Let's open 'er up and see what this baby can do! [aggressively stomps on the gas pedal, hitting Mr. Krabs.]
Mr. Krabs: [incoherent] Boy-bob me Sponge, you're on axle duty. [the two swap places]
SpongeBob: Aye-aye cap'n! [salutes and starts to make engine noises]
Pearl: Ooh! A navigation system! [pokes Mr. Krabs] What's the quickest route to Bikini Bottom High School? I wanna pick up my friends.
Mr. Krabs: [pokes his head out of the hood slightly] Friends? I don't want any greasy teenagers in this boat!
Pearl: What?
Mr. Krabs: Um- I mean, turn left at the intersection. Bing! [Mr. Krabs goes back inside the engine]
[Pearl pulls up to the high school in front of her friends. When she honks the horn, SpongeBob makes honking sounds. Her friends notice her and get excited.]
Pearl's friends: Cool boat, Pearl!
Pearl: Quit gawking, girls, and hop in! [laughs]
[Pearl's friends launch into the boat like rockets.]
Pearl's friends: Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! [they rock the boat with each cheer]
[Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob bounce inside the engine. SpongeBob moves the boat forward as Mr. Krabs groans.]
Cindy: Pearl! Let's have some music! [Pearl presses a button to turn on music]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Start singin'! [takes control of the engine]
[SpongeBob sprays in his mouth and starts singing.]
Incidental 7: My ears! Ugh, shut it up!
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are both sent forward by a springing plate. They tip the weight of the boat, exciting Pearl and her friends.]
Mr. Krabs: [now with several injuries] I hope they didn't crack my shell open.
[Pearl tries to step on the pedal, but ends up going through the floor of the boat and kicks Mr. Krabs in the face.]
Mr. Krabs: [through Pearl's foot] Hit the brakes, boyo.
SpongeBob: Ooh! [chomps down on the brakes and is spun around]
[The boat comes to a red light. Another boat with four sharks in it pulls up to Pearl's boat.]
Sharkface: [raises his sunglasses] Hey, nice wheels Pearl. I never thought an old skinflint like your dad would buy you a boat!
[Mr. Krabs pokes his eyes out from the hood.]
Mr. Krabs: Who's this hoodlum callin' old?
Pearl: Take a hike, Sharkface! Unless you wanna sharkrace.
Pearl's friends: Oooh!
Sharkface: A chilled race, huh? Hold on to your pom-poms! Ra-ra-ra!
SpongeBob: R-r-r-race? Oh no!
Mr. Krabs: A race? Oh, yes! Take a break, SpongeBob! [Mr. Krabs now is in control of the engine] This pompadour punk is mine! [smiles deviously]
[Both boats rev up their engines. Pearl and Sharkface stare intensely at each other, while SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs produce the noise for Pearl's engine. The light turns green, and the two boats speed off, leaving a trail of flames behind them. They speed through town, running stop lights and nearly hitting pedestrians.]
SpongeBob: M-Mr. Krabs, don't you think we should slow down a little?
Mr. Krabs: [crazed and determined to win] We can't slow down now, I got this snot-nose right where I want 'em!
[Pearl's boat suddenly increases speed drastically, causing the Sharkface's boat to spin out behind her.]
Pearl's friends: Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl!
[The Sharks drive up behind them, honking their horn.]
Sharkface: [pointing at the boat's wheels] Sink your teeth into those!
[The sharks launch their teeth into the wheels, popping them. They quickly overtake Pearl, laughing at her as they leave her behind.]
SpongeBob: Oh, the agony of defeat!
Mr. Krabs: That's it, boyo! I need all your legs, fast as you can grow 'em!
SpongeBob: Ooh, I smell a plan!
[Mr. Krabs starts pulling off SpongeBob's legs with them regenerating each time. He attaches SpongeBob's legs to the rims of the wheels, causing the boat to speed forward.]
Pearl: Go get 'em boat! Sick 'em!
[Pearl follows the Sharks' boat along a winding road up a mountain.]
Sharkface: Cheerleaders should stay on their AstroTurf and off the road! [The other sharks cheer in agreement as Pearl's boat speeds past them. Pearl's friends stick their tongues out at the sharks. Mr. Krabs takes some of the shark teeth lodged in the boat then pops out from the back of the boat.]
Mr. Krabs: You seem to have dropped these. [scatters the shark teeth onto the road]
Sharks: [scream]
[The sharks' boat spins out, careening into a railing. However, the chunk of rock the boat is on crumbles, sending them to the ground.]
Sharkface: Mommy!
[The boat crashes to the ground off-screen, sending up a shark-shaped mushroom cloud.]
Pearl's friends: [cheering]
Pearl: [eyes spiraling] My heart is racing faster than those sharks! I want more excitement, more thrills, more vehicular mayhem!
SpongeBob: Yeah! Like a demolition derby!
Mr. Krabs: What?
Pearl: Yeah! Like a demolition derby! [eyes briefly stop spiraling] Who said that? [eyes return to being spiraled] That's a great idea, my boat is invincible! [laughs]
[Pearl rolls into the demolition derby.]
Pearl: Hello boys!
[The fish in the demolition derby drive towards her. Pearl launches her friends out of the boat and into the stands.]
Pearl's friends: Pearl! Pearl! She's our whale! She is much too big to fail! Gooo Pearl!
Pearl: Here's my Pearl girl twirl hurl! [Her boat rapidly spins around, causing one of her opponents to bounce around the walls of the arena. His boat spits him out onto the ground.]
[Pearl drives around the arena. Two people crash into the sides of her boat, crushing Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob on the inside.]
Mr. Krabs: If we don't get outta here, Pearl's gonna get us killed!
Pearl: How about a blowhole blast? [laughs maniacally and launches water into one of her opponent's faces, causing him to crash into another person]
Pearl's friends: [land on the wreckage] Pearl! Pearl! Pearl!
[Pearl brings her now devastated boat to a stop.]
Pearl: Woohoo! What a rush! I'm a demolition whale, baby! [Pearl's eyes stop spiraling and she comes back to reality. Her boat finally gives out and collapses to the ground. Pearl steps out.] Oh no! What did I do to my new boat? Daddy's gonna kill me!
[Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob groan from inside the boat.]
Pearl: Uh oh. That doesn't sound good. Sounds like my dad in the bathroom.
[A mechanic walks up to Pearl.]
Mechanic: Sounds to me like your engine is dyin' a slow, agonizing death. Let's get it on the lift and fix 'er up.
Pearl: Oh, thank you! [violently hugs the mechanic]
[Bubble transition to the garage, where the mechanic has the boat on a lift.]
Mechanic: A-ha! Well, young lady, I found the trouble. [drills a small hole in the bottom of the boat, and SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs spill out in liquid form into a bucket] You got two knuckleheads instead of an engine!
Pearl: [gasps] Daddy? What are you doing hiding inside of my boat?
Mr. Krabs: I just wanted to build you a special boat for your birthday. Tell 'er SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Ooh, yeah! I remember! Mr. Krabs said- [turns into Mr. Krabs] "I'm not payin' ten thousand clams for a new boat! Pearl will never know the difference!" [laughs like Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: [shoves SpongeBob down into the bucket] Never mind! Listen to me, Pearl. I think what we have here is simply a failure to commiserate. Heh heh.
Pearl: I've heard enough from you, daddy. You tried to cheap out like always, and gift me a piece of junk for my birthday.
Mr. Krabs: Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad, yeah.
Pearl: Oooh! I see the real trouble now! [reaches into the bucket and pulls out Mr. Krabs' credit card] You got a credit card in your pocket that needs chargin'. And I'm gonna charge a new boat on it! Hah! Maybe two!
Mechanic: I just happen to have two new boats for sale right here! [points to two sparkling cars] But they're very expensive.
[Pearl gives the mechanic Mr. Krabs' credit card.]
Mr. Krabs: Wait, wait, wait, no, wait- [devolves into gibberish and lowers his head]
Pearl: [one foot on each boat as they roll out of the garage] I got two boats, I'm not bratty, I got two boats, to spite my daddy! [laughs]