Poor Pirates
"Poor Pirates" is a song written by Sara Bareilles. It appears as the Act II opener of the SpongeBob SquarePants musical. In this song, Patchy, who at the beginning of the show was escorted out of the theater by security guards, returns from his walk through Hell's Kitchen to lament the prejudiced stereotypes against pirates. He is soon joined by other pirates, including a baseball playing Pittsburgh Pirate, before he is once again booted out of the theater by the same security guards.
Lyrics
- Patchy: Let me begin with a hearty ho-ho
- And a tale that nobody tells well
- I've not come all the way from En-C-I-N-O
- To be treated like sewage that smells
- I'm certainly not that surprised
- For this story is older than time
- Me peglegged piratin' brethren and I
- Are society's slug-ridden slime
- We've all been cast out as scallywag rogues
- With fire in our beards and our eyes
- There's a side to us pirates that nobody knows
- And it's soft as a baby's backside
- Some of us just want adventures
- The open-sea wind in our earrings
- Why are we constantly misunderstood?
- Don't you know pirates have feelings?
- Pirates: Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates
- Can't deny this simple truth
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR!
- Patchy: People too (too, too, too)
- Nice harmonies, mateys!
- Think of how harrrd we have had it (so hard)
- Out on ships there is not much to eat (not much to eat)
- And dentists hate pirate insurance! (yo ho no)
- Pirates: Which is why we've so many gold teeth
- (We've too many gold teeth)
- Patchy: Me laundry stays damp and me boots start to stink
- And me fingernails filthy and dirty
- Me internet loads unbelievably slow
- Pirates: And me bedtime's around 7:30
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates
- Can't deny this simple truth
- We're poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates
- Patchy: Have it so much worse than you
- Pirate 1: We've got pirate parades, to which nobody comes
- Pirate 2: Captain Kidd hosts a marathon, but nobody runs
- Pirate 3: Long John Silver invented the bloomin' onion!
- Pirate 4: But you think he gets credit for that? (NO!)
- Pirate 5: Captain Bob Hook--no one knows his first name!
- Pirate 6: And old Greenbeard's been driven completely insane
- Patchy: Hardly anyone celebrates our one holiday
- (Arr...) Talk Like a Pirate Day! Yarrrrrgh!
- Pirates: We're poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates
- Can't deny this simple truth
- Pirates are people too! (Can't deny that we're poor)
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- Poor pirates
- Can't deny this simple truth
- That pirates, P-O-O-ARR
- People too
- Yo ho! Ha!
Trivia
- In the televised version, the bridge at the end is cut.