Poor Pirates

"Poor Pirates" is a song written by Sara Bareilles. It appears as the Act II opener of the SpongeBob SquarePants musical. In this song, Patchy, who at the beginning of the show was escorted out of the theater by security guards, returns from his walk through Hell's Kitchen to lament the prejudiced stereotypes against pirates. He is soon joined by other pirates, including a baseball playing Pittsburgh Pirate, before he is once again booted out of the theater by the same security guards.

Lyrics

Patchy: Let me begin with a hearty ho-ho

And a tale that nobody tells well

I've not come all the way from En-C-I-N-O

To be treated like sewage that smells

I'm certainly not that surprised

For this story is older than time

Me peglegged piratin' brethren and I

Are society's slug-ridden slime

We've all been cast out as scallywag rogues

With fire in our beards and our eyes

There's a side to us pirates that nobody knows

And it's soft as a baby's backside

Some of us just want adventures

The open-sea wind in our earrings

Why are we constantly misunderstood?

Don't you know pirates have feelings?

Pirates: Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates

Can't deny this simple truth

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR!

Patchy: People too (too, too, too)

Nice harmonies, mateys!

Think of how harrrd we have had it (so hard)

Out on ships there is not much to eat (not much to eat)

And dentists hate pirate insurance! (yo ho no)

Pirates: Which is why we've so many gold teeth

(We've too many gold teeth)

Patchy: Me laundry stays damp and me boots start to stink

And me fingernails filthy and dirty

Me internet loads unbelievably slow

Pirates: And me bedtime's around 7:30

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates

Can't deny this simple truth

We're poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates

Patchy: Have it so much worse than you

Pirate 1: We've got pirate parades, to which nobody comes

Pirate 2: Captain Kidd hosts a marathon, but nobody runs

Pirate 3: Long John Silver invented the bloomin' onion!

Pirate 4: But you think he gets credit for that? (NO!)

Pirate 5: Captain Bob Hook--no one knows his first name!

Pirate 6: And old Greenbeard's been driven completely insane

Patchy: Hardly anyone celebrates our one holiday

(Arr...) Talk Like a Pirate Day! Yarrrrrgh!

Pirates: We're poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates

Can't deny this simple truth

Pirates are people too! (Can't deny that we're poor)

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR

Poor pirates

Can't deny this simple truth

That pirates, P-O-O-ARR

People too

Yo ho! Ha!

Trivia

• In the televised version, the bridge at the end is cut.